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About Inciatus

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    Literally cannot even
  • Birthday 01/30/1994

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    The Land of Insanity
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  1. I'm finally down to 175 pounds! Lost 27 pounds so far, still have like 40 to 50 to go. Also my chest felt like it hasnt had much growth but yesterday I noticed that there has been a decent amount of growth. When Im wearing my sports bra it pretty much obscures my stomach and you can see some ripples in the sports bra between the breasts as well as some of my shorts. Also my lips look fuller which is odd and something I wasnt expecting. Also I am terrified of my knives which really sucks because it makes it hard to cook. I nearly broke down crying when I tried using a knife I asked my friend to bring over so I could cut bread. I had to have her cut the stuff for me. I did find a knife which looks very different that was still in my house and fortunately I don't seem so scared of it which is a good thing and have been able to cut things mostly butter >.> Also I had to move back my face zapping another two weeks because of being on antibiotics. My face is getting super gross and my upper lip is getting darker and its awful Q~Q.
  2. Ive already talked to most of the people on discord I chat with about this but I figured I might as well post it here for the couple of others that read here and aren't chatting friends on discord. Right now I'm enjoying strep throat. Yesterday afternoon my fever got pretty high and my dysphoria particularly with regard to my genitals got really really bad. I really wanted to cut off my genitals and came as close as going into the kitchen to grab a knife before I stopped myself realizing it was a really terrible idea. Once I was a little calmer and felt better I took my knives and put them up really high so I can't reach them and last night asked one of my friends to take away my knives and anything else that I might be able to cut with that would really hurt myself (so I still have my butter knives and plastic knives but no good knives) just in case things got super bad again as my fever started rising again. I also went ahead and distributed my address to some wotlabbers on discord just in case things ever get bad enough that I can't stop myself or I need help though hopefully I never will. I did tell my father about it and hes very glad Im okay. I didn't tell my mother and Im not planning on it since she would flip and then I might wind up in a mental health ward and I would rather avoid that unless I really need to go there. Im doing a lot better now which is good and Im really glad I was able to come to my senses. Had I not the best case scenario I would have found myself in the emergency room and then a mental health ward, worst case and honestly most cases I probably would have died before help could arrive or they could do anything. It was all really very terrifying and I did a lot of crying last night. I've never come close to actually really hurting myself especially not like that and its really terrifying to think how close I came yesterday to really hurting or killing myself. I was really terrified having my friend come over and taking down my knives or even being near my knives. I know I have lots of people around me supporting me and overall my situation is really good between my wotlabber fronds and my family which has been really supportive and great and I'm really thankful for that but I guess it really shows how sometimes things can suddenly get really bad or out of hand.
  3. 50/50 chance? You have some high opinions of the maps.
  4. Well this should make things a heck of a lot easier and I guess I'll get some free crew out of it. I think I might just get a free 55A then.
  5. I think at one of the hampton inns. Also my friends decided to stay in Daytona.
  6. I left Daytona and went to spend a couple days up with a useless reptile. Drive was pretty awful getting out of Florida abd Georgia. My father and aunt are staying in lake beuna vista. Some of my friends though went down to punta gorda which is really bad. I havent heard if their plans changed.
  7. Hamburg and the northern republics don't see to have that issue as often. Also if you can keep strengthening your government you can keep the cost low since the cost modifier is from the low republican tradition.
  8. Welcome to almost dead forum!
  9. This past weekend I went up with my parents to South Carolina to see the eclipse, but really it was just an excuse to take a short vacation to get to spend some time together because we don't get to really do that often with my father traveling so much though we normally get to spend a couple hours together each month which is still nice. I tried to undersleep the night before so I would sleep in the car because I get super carsick and that worked about as well as being openly communist during the red scare. I wound up driving most of the way there. While in Charlston I was able to spend the evening we arrived and the whole of the next two days in grillemode and it was fantastic. My hair has grown a lot and my face rounded that especially in girls clothing (and the small breast forms I still wear) that I can pass quite well for a grille which is fantastic and I'm super lucky for. Voice I still think needs more work but I'm working on that a lot basically just always speaking in it (it was noted though during a dnd session a couple weeks ago the voice of the admiral had gotten a lot higher and I really struggled to be able to speak in the old voice). Though in hindsight going as a guy for some of it would have probably been better because fuck it was hot particularly the first full day. The sports bras I tend to wear don't breathe well at all and hold so much heat and the forms are a block of silicone encased in plastic. So that was super sweaty and gross. I was concerned about my upper lip being a little dark / kinda green since there are still a couple hairs but my mother convinced me it was fine which was again good because it was so sweaty and using the bit of makeup to try to color correct that area didn't look particularly good because I suck at makeup and keeping my hand steady. I didn't have any issues with people bothering me or staring, except one person but that was at a point I was feeling really ill and over heated so it was probably a case of seeing someone about to puke staring. I found out one of the bras I picked up actually holds things in place really well and so used that the second day which was fantastic and a lot cooler though playing catch in the park waiting for the eclipse caused some issues because I didn't glue things on because I want to keep these ones clean and glueless for as long as I can so one of them pretty much turned upside down. Didn't have any problems either with people calling me out (and the still having a penis thing was useful for the portapotty because those were gross) though I did have one like 14 year old kid who I thought had clocked me but Im like 85% sure he was just staring at my chest. Driving up and driving back I stayed in boymode because I have this fear of being pulled over in grillemode even though I've been pulled over a total of once ever. We visited the fort outside of Savanna which was really cool if hot and really far away from anything at all and really empty and then went into the city to get lunch. Savanna is a beautiful city, big trees, wide avenues, trees everywhere in the city, a cute cobbled river front, really it was probably the most pretty city I've ever been in (not that I seem to have any sense of aesthetics). Also walking into the restaurant we were going to eat for lunch I male-failed for the first time. It was really unexpected and confusing and it took me like a half minute to understand what happened. There must have been something about that day though since it happened two other times, once walking through a cute candy store and later at a gas station. It's really exciting to have it happen though and be recognized as a grille even if Im not making effort to pass as one, I guess it was something I never really expected to have happen. :3
  10. It would be about 7500 calories for a kilogram. You need to burn about 3500 calories to lose a pound. Alesia starts a business:
  11. Today I got ma'amed on the phone which was nice but it was also surprising since I was just speaking normally and this person wouldnt have any idea about the trans thing.
  12. Unfortunately the way colonialism spawns it won't really slow down the european powers. Since once the reach the new world or maybe once they set up a colony they get an event which fills out colonization in one of their provinces. Though you should get a nice +10 trade power from port to the new world if that spawns in Asia.
  13. Also one thing my sister had recommended to me was an app called Bumble. I haven't used it since we were just talking about it last night though you can apparently use it on a BFF setting (at least if you register as a grille, no idea about if you register as a guy) to help find friends in the area. Which will honestly be useful to me since I pretty much have only one friend in Daytona and Im not expecting that relationship to survive the year. You can also use it for dating and apparently it's a lot less hookupy.
  14. It'll take some time, but you'll feel better soon enough. You've cut out a big weight from your life like popping a dislocated joint back into place. It's gonna hurt for a while. I also wouldn't give up on finding anyone at all. Though not trying to immediately find a new boyfriend is probably a good thing. Where exactly do you live? You've said before you live in Seattle. The Seattle metropolitan area has over 3.7 million people in it and the city itself has over 600,000 people in it. Do you live rather far outside of seattle? Like how someone might say I live in Orlando even though I'm more than an outside of Orlando?
  15. Please don't use this technique to deal with hungry fuzzies. We're just hungry, dont crush us.