AnArmyofBun

Bun's thread of Transitional Cataloging and discussion (and shenanigans).

2,610 posts in this topic

On 10/31/2017 at 6:00 PM, BiggieD61 said:

Where is Bun?

Glad that both of you are making progress towards your dreams.

Probably in jail for drinking the blood of the innocent. Alternatively Arizona I think. I think Rexxie is the only one that really talks to bun right now.

Im also down 30 pounds so far in weight loss and I've been making good progress on my voice (though I made my accent a lot worse and a lot cuter by accident >.>). I can fill out a 38B bra now which is pretty great (keep growing please). Also burned my hand bad which isnt good but I'm making really good progress on my thesis work which is super exciting since it should be publishable stuff when I done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hay guys!  I'm here!  Let me just say I don't live in Arizona.  I live in New Mexico.  It's been a trial for me.  I've been battling depression which came back with a vengeance and Signy has been taking care of me, and some things around the house and stuff like the proper goat she is.  Not eating can's though thankfully.  But, I'm back on my medication and it really does make a massive difference.  Let me just say a few things.  First off.  The reason I'm not entirely active anymore is because I have very little to contribute to this thread anymore.  This has become a place of helping others.  I can't say anything that you amazing and wonderful people haven't already said.  I'm still here.  Signy gives me updates. 

It pains me to know some of you are having trouble, and it makes me very happy to know some of you are excelling.  This thread is for you.  The bun took the first steps so that you could follow her, so that your path would be a little less rough.  I hope it has been.  Now.  I'm stable.  I'm able to be here again, and handle the things that others might need me to handle.  So, here's my discord.

EricaBun#6312 - Add me. Please. 

Also, here.  Bun herself.  Yes I know my face is splotchy I had just taken a very hot shower. 

https://i.imgur.com/ZTMgkgc.jpg

 

I'm still here.  All I can really say is the same that other's have said.  Keep going.  Keep living.  You know where to find me now that I can handle it.

Also yes.  Blood of the innocent.  It's delicious.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Have my first therapist visit in around a month today.  I figured out where most of my issues are rooted from (abandonment around my parents imagine that) so I'll have a lot to talk to my therapist about even though I've already processed it and started making baby steps to rebuild my relationships with them.

 

I'll update this post after everything is said and done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Been... a while since a poked around in here. I'm a bit reassured to see everyone progressing in their struggles in positives ways just like I am in my own. Just know that we're all getting there and one day we'll be where we want to be :3 It may take longer for some but it'll happen <3.

 

Depression is a total bitch but sometimes it teaches you something important for later on. What that lesson may be is up for you to decide, but there can always be a positive outcome if you let there be one.

Anyway, just wanted to say I wuv you guys, alesia, bun, fuzzy, etc, and hope you're doing better <3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So Ive had some good things happen over the past week and a half or so. Thanksgiving wasnt terrible which was a nice change. I just stayed quiet and cooked in the kitchen and staying quiet and just giving short answers if I was spoken to. Sat down briefly to eat dinner with everyone before going back into the kitchen and cleaning for a few hours and then going to bed. Also found a lot of my old Pokemon games to play with the hybrid. 

The next morning I met with my grandfather to tell him about the transition stuff and I really wasnt looking forward to it and was expecting it was going to go really poorly (as were my parents). I had even brought him out to lunch at a restaurant figuring it would prevent him from making a scene. I told him and explained everything that is going on and then had to move closer and do it again and to my amazement he accepted me saying if that's what I need to do that he'll be here for me and that family is the most important thing and if there was anything he could do and I was tearing up a lot.

My hair is still growing and looks nice right out of the shower or a few hours afterwards but quickly turns into Klingon hair which is kind of annoying. Ive also managed to not bite my nails at all for two weeks or so and Im really proud of myself and they look nice. Ive replaced obsessively biting them with obsessively cleaning them. Ive also been male-failing a lot and its really great. Last night as I was walking out of the bathroom another guy came in and stopped surprised and looked back at the sign on the door to make sure he was in the right place. I was planning on starting full time stuffs in about a week since school will be done though I havent gotten the papers from the doctor to be able to change license and birth-certificate and such and Im hoping I can get that from the therapist rather than the endo but I don't know and probably should have asked last time I was there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Doctors appointment went well and all my levels checked out.  The at 15 and E at...125 (?).  My boobs are visible basically all the time through my shirts, even layered.  Still can't afford a bra though and wearing the wrong thing means the rubbing makes me nauseous.

 

.....I really need a bra that fits

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I've told pretty much everyone major at this point though I still have some other people to tell. The doctor was supposed to send me the letter to get my documents and markers changed. Fortunately I was born in Connecticut so I can amend my birth certificate at the same time as changing my markers in Florida. I have so many places I have to change my documents and will have to talk to school as well. I guess Im finally starting full time now and its really exciting and scary (even if I do pass pretty well). It felt like something that was always really far away and now its here.

Also I get to acquire a hybrid tomorrow. Prepare for endless snuggles! :happyfish:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have progesterone now and Ive been full time for about a month now which has been pretty great. The progesterone should help with the bewb growth which is definately a plus though even better it's supposed to have a calming effect which should help reduce my skittishness which would be really great. I as skittish as most lizards and startle between a couple dozen and hundreds of times per day; my family, my sister especially, make fun of me for it a lot.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well

Forgot about wotlabs for a while.

 

But the jist of the last two months is basically:

-Went in and out of a relationship

-Watched my personality develop more and more.  Though i fluctuate between soft butch and cute maid depending on my energy level lol.  This still has a ways to go.

-Finally had my mom start to come around.  This has been the biggest benefit to my mental health.  Even though she doesn't use my name or pronouns hardly at all she does on occasion.  She did call me Alesia Violet the other day in the car and it caught me off guard and i ended up crying since i was teared up already.

-Chose Violet as my middle name...its what my mom would have named me if I was born in the right body.

-kind of learning to stand up for myself.  This is hard to put into words but despite my complaints and stuff I've been fighting back at those things, and against the way certain people treat me.

-noticed some facial changes, not much but it's something.  Boobs have not stopped growing for even a day (oof ouchy my chesty)

-added in what excersize I can manage with my schedule.

-planned up a trip to Texas in the next couple of weeks.  I'll be staying with friends who have my back and a cis girl who is super excited to teach me things.  I'll be there from mid February to the end of March.

 

That's basically it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The traps are multiplying... and coming to my state... reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (scratch that, instead substitute a Hank Hill-esque 'bwaaaaaaaaaah') :kappa:

 

 

In seriousness, no harm meant. Making fun of others' differences should be done to everyone as a mark of respect. All things considered, the trannies aren't that bad. They can't possibly be any less ladylike than the actual women these days. But are traps gay tho? That was a serious question. No one seems to know, might as well go to the source.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, Mikosah said:

The traps are multiplying... and coming to my state... reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (scratch that, instead substitute a Hank Hill-esque 'bwaaaaaaaaaah') :kappa:

 

 

In seriousness, no harm meant. Making fun of others' differences should be done to everyone as a mark of respect. All things considered, the trannies aren't that bad. They can't possibly be any less ladylike than the actual women these days. But are traps gay tho? That was a serious question. No one seems to know, might as well go to the source.

Your use of words is either socially awkward or baiting. In any case, I don't think penalizing you would serve anything. Censure for political corectness is as harming as narrowmindedness is, and I loathe both.

You seem to have an issue with lebals and getting frustrated when people don't behave you see fit for that label. You give the clear example for women. Feel free to think that way obviously, just don't force that view on others.

 

Regarding the question, though I am someone who biologically and in terms of sexual orientation falls well within what is average, it seems quite simple to me. Adult people love and respect adult people who love and respect them. You don't need much labels for that. If you nonetheless wish to ask yourself questions, ask the following.

Biologically and evolutionary a minority of individuals is born with external or internal gender characteristics of both sexes or of a sex that does not align with their chromosonal make-up (we all develop from the same embryonic template anyway). So, if for what matters, namely the way your phycial make-up determines your thinking, you are female and you like men, but have physically male characteristics, are you then straight or gay?

The answer logically seems to me to be both but also that the question is nonsensical. One could argue that after a gender transition at least for society the answer is more "clear", at this point she would be straight according to social norms.

On a personal side note, this need to "identify" with a group is to me something American. "LGBT", "African-American", etc... all those labels for sexual orientation or race. And then they wonder why people make such disinctions based upon those labels... It's human to have an us vs them mentality. Putting labels enforces this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, Private_Miros said:

Your use of words is either socially awkward or baiting. In any case, I don't think penalizing you would serve anything. Censure for political corectness is as harming as narrowmindedness is, and I loathe both.

My socially awkward master-grade bait brings all the traps to the yard...

You seem to have an issue with lebals and getting frustrated when people don't behave you see fit for that label. You give the clear example for women. Feel free to think that way obviously, just don't force that view on others.

Supposing I even wanted to 'force' my views on others, how in the hell would I pull that one off? Is mere disagreement the equivalent of force? Does no one else have the willpower to call me out on my BS?

Regarding the question, though I am someone who biologically and in terms of sexual orientation falls well within what is average, it seems quite simple to me. Adult people love and respect adult people who love and respect them. You don't need much labels for that. If you nonetheless wish to ask yourself questions, ask the following.

Biologically and evolutionary a minority of individuals is born with external or internal gender characteristics of both sexes or of a sex that does not align with their chromosonal make-up (we all develop from the same embryonic template anyway). So, if for what matters, namely the way your phycial make-up determines your thinking, you are female and you like men, but have physically male characteristics, are you then straight or gay?

The answer logically seems to me to be both but also that the question is nonsensical. One could argue that after a gender transition at least for society the answer is more "clear", at this point she would be straight according to social norms.

On a personal side note, this need to "identify" with a group is to me something American. "LGBT", "African-American", etc... all those labels for sexual orientation or race. And then they wonder why people make such disinctions based upon those labels... It's human to have an us vs them mentality. Putting labels enforces this.

All this semantics and overthinking..... there was never a tangible answer to the question, more of a "chicken or the egg" parable. A simple ice-breaker. Both the affirmative and negative responses could have been memes unto themselves, but instead what do we get? A cold, lifeless sociology lecture. Buzz is kill. See you later, traps. See you later, off-brand Frenchie.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Mikosah said:

Dribble.

It is a pity that a lack of insults and adult conversation is a buzz kill for you. Some people have bigger issues in life and happiness than baiting and discussing silly memes in blatantly wrong contexts.

This cold, lifeless sociology lecture is very much human and alive and captures serious mental struggles some people have to go through in their lives, compared to fucking memes.

You were warned about the use of derogatory terminology. Since I am involved in this conversation and - wrongly - wished to believe you were a sensible adult who (awkwardly) attempted light banter about a serious subject I forfeited my right to sanction here. But WoTLabs moderation has taken note.

Off-brand Frenchie is the lamest most irrelevant attempt at insult that ever got aimed at me, my dear Mexican. At least you can produce something that raises a brow.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Private_Miros said:

It is a pity that a lack of insults and adult conversation is a buzz kill for you. Some people have bigger issues in life and happiness than baiting and discussing silly memes in blatantly wrong contexts.

This cold, lifeless sociology lecture is very much human and alive and captures serious mental struggles some people have to go through in their lives, compared to fucking memes.

You were warned about the use of derogatory terminology. Since I am involved in this conversation and - wrongly - wished to believe you were a sensible adult who (awkwardly) attempted light banter about a serious subject I forfeited my right to sanction here. But WoTLabs moderation has taken note.

Off-brand Frenchie is the lamest most irrelevant attempt at insult that ever got aimed at me, my dear Mexican. At least you can produce something that raises a brow.

Your first guess was more accurate than you know. I did sincerely attempt light banter for precisely that purpose, with no ill-will at all. I honestly thought we were making progress just now, and that we could make light of our troubles without the need to be so guarded. The moment that topics like these are treated so delicately is the moment that they become utterly unapproachable. If you want to foster some human interaction you'll need a sense of humor once in a while. What's the exchange rate between burritos and waffles these days?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, Mikosah said:

Your first guess was more accurate than you know. I did sincerely attempt light banter for precisely that purpose, with no ill-will at all. I honestly thought we were making progress just now, and that we could make light of our troubles without the need to be so guarded. The moment that topics like these are treated so delicately is the moment that they become utterly unapproachable. If you want to foster some human interaction you'll need a sense of humor once in a while. What's the exchange rate between burritos and waffles these days?

Oh, I believe you need to be able to treat every subject with humour, but it should be obvious it is humour that respects its subject, rather than humour at the cost of its subject. Political correctness also helps no one

I didn't show up here on my own, we were notified by persons who were very much unsure which category yours was. Be aware that it simple was that kind of ice breaker where if you did it in a company, more than a few winces and an uncomfortable silence would follow.

I'll let you in on some Belgian insider knowledge. The waffles are for the tourists. We survive on trappist beers and the occasional frites (with mayo). Still mostly beer though.

 

Perhaps with our exchange above, maybe one of the people that is emotionally invested in this subject might be willing to provide with some kind of view.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Depending on how you are going to go to Texas (if you drive through Texarkana or Longview) shoot me a PM and I'll buy you lunch.  I don't post much, I'm just an old white guy, but lurk this thread, and anytime somebody struggles to find a little happiness - it makes me happy to see them progress and succeed.  Thats surely worth a taco.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Mikosah said:

Your first guess was more accurate than you know. I did sincerely attempt light banter for precisely that purpose, with no ill-will at all. I honestly thought we were making progress just now, and that we could make light of our troubles without the need to be so guarded. The moment that topics like these are treated so delicately is the moment that they become utterly unapproachable. If you want to foster some human interaction you'll need a sense of humor once in a while. What's the exchange rate between burritos and waffles these days?

To put it simply, not many of us (as in trans people) have the energy to deal that kind of interaction.  Many of us also deal with those kind of attitudes day in and out, even from our own families.  It's even cost people their jobs and lives.  It's not about political correctness, its about fatigue.  When you catch enough shit for so long from so many people all saying the same things, you would start to become intolerant to it too. 

We do make light of our particular issues though.  (See subreddits like  /r/transgendercirclejerk).  However you must clue yourself in to the tone of the conversation.  This thread has helped many of us in this community come to terms with ourselves, or figure out what was wrong with us in the first place.  It's very much a support thread with a side of education, most replies are just respectful to those involved, not a thread with many worn out memes that do little more then annoy at best.  I've called myself a "filthy tranny" in jest (though I'm neither filthy or a transvestite [trans people aren't transvestites just fyi]).  Like with all things though, there is a time and place.  If you have questions then feel free to ask them...normally or respectfully. I'd prefer that this thread stay the way that it has for 100+ pages now.   We can shit post attack helicopter memes elsewhere.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Alesia said:

To put it simply, not many of us (as in trans people) have the energy to deal that kind of interaction.  Many of us also deal with those kind of attitudes day in and out, even from our own families.  It's even cost people their jobs and lives.  It's not about political correctness, its about fatigue.  When you catch enough shit for so long from so many people all saying the same things, you would start to become intolerant to it too. 

We do make light of our particular issues though.  (See subreddits like  /r/transgendercirclejerk).  However you must clue yourself in to the tone of the conversation.  This thread has helped many of us in this community come to terms with ourselves, or figure out what was wrong with us in the first place.  It's very much a support thread with a side of education, most replies are just respectful to those involved, not a thread with many worn out memes that do little more then annoy at best.  I've called myself a "filthy tranny" in jest (though I'm neither filthy or a transvestite [trans people aren't transvestites just fyi]).  Like with all things though, there is a time and place.  If you have questions then feel free to ask them...normally or respectfully. I'd prefer that this thread stay the way that it has for 100+ pages now.   We can shit post attack helicopter memes elsewhere.

This is what I don't get from people. How can they not imagine what any person in a difficult situation, be it physically, mentally or socially (or all three, as, well... here) must be getting in terms of stupid comments? That things that might be funny once, twice, maybe trice, are never funny the sevenhundreth time?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Private_Miros said:

This is what I don't get from people. How can they not imagine what any person in a difficult situation, be it physically, mentally or socially (or all three, as, well... here) must be getting in terms of stupid comments? That things that might be funny once, twice, maybe trice, are never funny the sevenhundreth time?

Empathy, compassion, and understanding are in short order throughout most of the world.  Thankfully this thread has about 100 pages out of the current 105 pages that are chock full of those three aforementioned things that are so lacking in the world beyond.  This thread has been one of the most honest, compassionate, beautiful things I've ever witnessed on the Internet.  It's what keeps me coming back to it.  

 

And regarding Miko, I'd really rather we keep the ratio of compassion to bullshit in this thread at the really amazing level it's been at for years and not ruin it with memes and fuckery.  So basically, if you don't have something nice, supportive, compassionate, emotionally honest, intellectually honest, or at the very least honestly inquisitive to say then please go elsewhere.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Any curiosity regarding how approachable these topics are has now been abundantly satisfied, so there's very little to ask now. This sort of thing can't just be asked, it has to be tested, hence the last several posts. But I will say this, I do have my own share of eccentric proclivities and have had to grapple with depression and suicidal thoughts among other things as a result, so in that regard I can empathize, believe it or not. But I will inscribe a few trinkets of sage wisdom in this ivory tower of yours. 

One is that at the end of the day, the body is nothing more than a putrid lump of flesh. Whatever beauty or strength it once possessed in youth will one day fade. We all end up in the same place, six feet under to feed the worms. So whatever praise the body earns is always going to be vain, shallow, and temporary.

The second is that trying to impress society is a fool's errand. They're still little more than hairless apes ruled by their hormones and instincts, and above all else these hormones and instincts compel them to breed to avoid extinction. The very idea that someone can't (or won't) participate in the same pursuits will always be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for them to truly comprehend. They may tolerate, even patronize, but they won't understand. They can't, its outside their programming. Besides, basing your own sanity on someone else's reaction is just asking to be insane. You don't need them. You never did.

And the third is that laughing at your own problems does actually help. The moment that any idea is deemed too serious, too important, too delicate, or too painful to be mocked is the moment that you deliberately go out of your way to give that idea the power to constantly hurt you. But if you can mock it, make fun of it, and laugh at it, then the haters will have no way to bother you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thought I'd put down some random stuff and experiences for a change.  Mostly little things that don't really effect my life other then some griping about them.

 

Maternal Instincts -  I had these before I ever was close to transition but the past couple months it's just been turned up to 11.  I try to avoid talking about babies too much irl because I will typically end up fighting back tears.  At least once I week I end up spending all evening curled up in bed with my stomach in knots and basically obsessing over it mentally.  It's more and more become a topic in my therapy sessions for obvious reasons.  Hearing a baby start bawling somewhere sends a little flutter of panic through me. Part of me just wishes my body would knock it off because it gets annoying coming back to the same issue over and over.  This inevitably leads to issues with my sexuality since I get *really thirsty* for men on those days but I never ever can create emotional connections with them.  They always end up being little more then flings at best, while a woman will make my heart do flips all day long.

 

Smell - Both have changed a lot.  I'm much more sensitive to anything that might have gone bad.  I can smell it the moment I start doing anything with whatever food it is, despite not having this superpower a few months ago.  Some things just smell bad, like cooking ground beef no matter how fresh it is.  Taste is very much the same way though I crave salty foods due to my T blocker.

 

Skin texture - I'm soft, smooth, and get cut very easily.  Though more....elastic if that makes sense.

 

Hair - Body hair has been slowly but surely turning lighter or blond.  Growth is extremely slow and shaving keeps me clean for a very long time, sadly facial hair doesn't get that benefit.  Head hair has reached a point to where it's nice and silky and has some weight to it.  I've found a good care plan for it and it seems to be working.  Long enough to put in a french braid now.

 

Emotions - I cry over nearly anything.  Emotional Music?  Instant tears.  Romance?  Instant tears.  (I'm looking at you Violet Evergarden OST)

 

Boobs - I really seriously need a bra right now but all I'll ever end up doing is using bandaids over my nipples and wearing three layers to hide them :upsetkitty:

 

Can't really think of anything else....that's not lewd :panting:

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Textbook reaction to progesterone. Have you changed your dosage recently? Needless to say, hormones like these do have far-reaching side effects on both mind and body that are not to be underestimated. Moreover, hormones tend to synergize with one another so the balance between estrogen and progesterone for instance can complicate things. The third leg in that unholy trinity is prolactin, but that's not recommended unless you want the waterworks. Some people are in to that, but its certainly not for everyone.

Overbearing maternal instincts can be constructively redirected to any object, though neotenous features tend to illicit a much stronger response as they trigger the very same instincts and hormones. Typically a puppy or a kitten would do the trick but it doesn't necessarily have to be a live pet. Anything between babysitting a relative's kid and tending a potted plant could suffice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Mikosah said:

Textbook reaction to progesterone. Have you changed your dosage recently? Needless to say, hormones like these do have far-reaching side effects on both mind and body that are not to be underestimated. Moreover, hormones tend to synergize with one another so the balance between estrogen and progesterone for instance can complicate things. The third leg in that unholy trinity is prolactin, but that's not recommended unless you want the waterworks. Some people are in to that, but its certainly not for everyone.

Overbearing maternal instincts can be constructively redirected to any object, though neotenous features tend to illicit a much stronger response as they trigger the very same instincts and hormones. Typically a puppy or a kitten would do the trick but it doesn't necessarily have to be a live pet. Anything between babysitting a relative's kid and tending a potted plant could suffice.

I am only on Estradiol as a matter of fact.  I've always always been motherly in some ways.  Part of it is just feeling lonely I'm sure.  If had a kitten i would probably feel better then I do on the bad days.

 

I do want progesterone to help with breast shape though.  Was going to see about it during my next doctor visit in april.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.