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Haswell

Hassie Goes Camping: JESUS FUCK IT'S COLD Edition

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It's Remembrance Day weekend, no better way to celebrate than to go out into bumfuck nowhere and freeze my ass off in the Canadian winter while praising the grace of Tim Hortons.

Gonna be a 3 day trip into Okanagan Mountain Provincial Park, wish it could be longer if not for my term papers due in TWO FUCKING WEEKS. But hey, if I die I won't have to deal with exams and papers :doge:

 

So, packing time. First and foremost, food. Chicken Alfredo fettuccine, macaroni and cheese, Korean beef rice with kimchi. All prepped with the goal of sticking as much calories (read: lots of butter, heavy cream, oil, the likes) as possible into small and appetizing portions that I can reheat in my kettle/pot. Should be enough to last me 3 days I reckon. Mac and cheese for day 1 dinner, rice for day 2 brunch, fettuccine for day 2 dinner. I'm hiking back out on day 3 afternoon so I don't want to eat much in the morning.

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More packing shit to follow, but now I'm stuffing myself full of fettuccine to store some calories for tomorrow morning when I leave.

Also outdoors general.

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Finally packing stuff. Food is gonna stay in the fridge until right before I leave obviously, everything else is going into the bag.

 

Kettle/pot hybrid, 3 tubs of food that can probably clog arteries, 400g of homemade pemmican. Pemmican is mostly lard, ultra-dried beef floss, dried dates and rasins. Seasoned with salt and cinnamon.

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Cat food can alcohol stove, hobo wood stove (that also doubles as a windscreen for the cat), two lighters because why not, emergency kindle that is basically dryer lint stuffed into a tissue roll, a bottle of really really bad moonshine. Don't worry, I'll transfer half of that into a smaller bottle to bring along.

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My most expensive piece of gear, a Hennessy hammock with an extra large rainfly. Also a space blanket tarp because underquilts and sleeping pads are way too heavy and big. Tarp can also be used for other stuff too, I value versatility in my gear.

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My stupidly big sleeping bag, but also stupidly warm. 1L wide-body Nalgene for size comparison.

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Yeah, I think I'll survive.

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I like the ultralight mindset of a cat stove next to the comfort hiker mindset of a giant -25° bag.

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I have strange priorities.

 

Kit fully packed, Ardbeg 10yo present for size comparison. Weighs about 15-17kg total I think, will probably go lighter after I finish all the food.

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So, when its frozen solid, how good of a popsicle will that fettuccine make?  

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So unfortunately I had to pull the plug a day early, mother nature decided to fuck with me by putting up a fog on my way up the hill on day 1, I pitched camp halfway up as it got foggy around 3pm. Sorry for the shitty ass pictures, phone wasn't cooperating.

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Half an hour later shit got dark, so it's brewing time. Couldn't find enough viable fuel for my wood stove so I used the Cat instead.

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One night later, woke up to the mac and cheese breakfast. Night was actually extremely comfy thanks to my fuck huge sleeping bag. I ended up sweating through it and the rainfly collected all the moisture.

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At this point the fog was rolling in again, with a rain cloud system blowing over my way, so I made the decision to pull the plug a day early. If I had went with a partner I would have continued on instead, but since I was going completely alone in the face of unexpected weather I decided to play it safe. I'm nuts, but I'm not suicidal. Plus I didn't want to risk even worse weather on my way down.

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Of course, an hour later after I started hiking down the sky cleared up. I am beyond pissed right now.

So ends my shitty camping trip. Lesson learned: mother nature can and will fuck you sideways and do things to your head.

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