Single Status Update
welp, found out i have autism? diagnosed at 24 is goddamn late.. i don't even know what to do now with that information? do i just continue doing me or do i need to change.. i'm genuinely unable to decide how to feel about it.. im not sad at all but im not exactly happy about getting diagnosed either
(that probably explains why i dedicated a major part of my life to a game i wanted to quit and never seemed able to , still haven't for some reason unbeknownst to me)
the pieces fall together.... i don't think sane people force themselves through the torture like i'm doing
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3 hours ago, Oicraftian said:
To the point you need to put them on a pedestal in your mind to ensure you don't talk down to them.
i already am well past that point, i'm so self-absorbed in reality but i've had a good number of years to work on being more aware of that since it's such an off-putting personality trait that i think i have it muzzled well enough by now to be socially acceptable
i like to know stuff, i really enjoy the learning "process" as a thing to do so i tend to keep developing in subjects that i think are fun and in those subjects i'm usually so overqualified to talk eventually my ego needs to put a lid on it or i'm just going to say something that doesn't even make sense to people unless they share my interest and even if they do it sounds waaaay to confident for normal people to relate to
i've always thought confidence was a big deal because how can you be the best if you don't dare to believe you are, or even have the potential to be? also to the point where i feel like i just regressed in wot due to lack of competition so there's not good enough practice to develop further.. i've always been super confident in my ability but funnily i've always had terrible self-esteem at the same time resulting in some weird modesty that is actually hubris in reality.. i have to be humbler and understanding or people'll think i'm crazy lol
You will die before you know it. I think, for that reason, you should live recklessly. Not about drinking, but throwing yourself into a topic, and allowing that to consume you, is perfectly acceptable. I think you should not be so worried about this issue of confidence. I am not sure how it is for you, but avoiding that seems to be an issue of shame.
That is what I think. Granted its silly to apply that without thinking.
"It doesn't matter what gossip you use as bait, because no fish out there will look back at you"