When I platoon with CrabEatOff, we focus on winning above all else, unless we stated beforehand that we had other goals such as missions or marks for that session. We work together and play tanks that synergize well to maximize our chances of winning. Yes, there are a lot of wins that just happen, and there are a lot of "unwinnables", but the games in-between (the carries) are where I get the most enjoyment from WoT. The important thing, like others have said, is to ignore the things you can't control and focus on what you can learn and where you can improve. If I lose a game, I look to see if there is anything I could've done differently, and mark it down mentally. If we lost and I have done literally everything I could to win, I mentally consider it a win because I know I played my part perfectly. Be honest with yourself with your personal evaluation and avoid blaming others, you can change yourself, you're not going to be changing pubbies.
My only issue with the damage farm mentality, is a lot of new or learning players see "damage/WN8 > wins" and never learn things like map control, how certain maps work (what controls what) or how maps progress. In -G- we had this issue a few weeks ago with one of our callers getting after some fairly recently recruited players who were making poor positional and threat focus choices in CW related to winning. When their defense is how much damage they did, or how much WN8 they have, you know there's an issue.
I really enjoy watching Kolni or others of his caliber play, and I learn a lot from it. There are loads of different playstyles, and I think it's good to use pieces of others' to build what you enjoy. I just worry about the "green to freshly purple" range of players who are joining during the damage farming era of WoT and never learn a lot of basic winning principles.
Players of Kolni's caliber know how to win, but also get a large amount of wins from sheer damage farming. Whether your focus is winning or damage, the principles are the same. Do your best, learn from your mistakes, and only worry about what you can control.