So many people have been talking about Exo and his legendary skills in battle lately; he’s become a really big deal. Due to my inability to ignore all the fuss, I decided to tune-in to the WGLNA Grand Finals for the sole reason to see what all the hype is all about. I remembered seeing him for the first time, hunched over, staring intently at his screen, trying his hardest to keep himself together. He knew fully well that if he threw here and now, Wally was in the room with him, and fully capable of providing his long-promised forehead dick-slap for all those times Exo managed to take easily winnable games and effortlessly flush them down the toilet like they were RitaGamer’s unwanted, autistic newborns.
While watching him sweat, my mind suddenly, and without warning, went completely blank, and the only thought in my head was “Could I fit Exo’s head inside my ass?” Maybe it was just the odd, potato-like shape of his dome, but something about that awkwardly proportioned skull gave the deep, inescapable feeling that this world would be a much better place with that head firmly inserted into my rectum. Sexuality be damned, this was a spiritual impulse! I now knew my goal in life; why I was placed on this world to begin with. God has given me my task.
I called Exo thinking that this may be an unreasonable proposition. His candid response, however, intrigued me: “Yeah,” he said, “but can we do it in the porch area of my local Starbucks?” I, filled with some confusion but also overwhelming intrigue, asked him why. He told me that six other people have already asked to do this, and he had done all of those at Starbucks, and if he brought in a seventh, he would get a free salted caramel latte. I asked him if he could get me one, after some thought, he said sure. And that’s how I got myself to go on a date with Exo.