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  1. We defended our Motherland with our steel chests; we will give the enemy what they deserve! http://youtu.be/5cE_TtRqRLs ☭ Comrade tankers, As we smash through stronghold after stronghold and push the fascist menace further and further from the Motherland, its death throes grow ever desperate. From the Maus to the E-100, the AwfulPanther to the Failowe, experiment after experiment have the wehraboos tried to create the ultimate fantasy weapon, but every attempt has led to utter failure. Waves upon waves of mismatched and mutated tanks have they thrown at our doorstep, yet each was stopped by the will of people, the power of our guns, and the enemy's own mechanical failures. Still they persist in their machinations, for we have received news that they prepare to unleash another wave of abominations upon us. Our brave partisans, our peasant-patriots operating behind enemy lines, have intercepted a top-priority message from the fascist high-command. Led by commissar MAI_WAIFUTRAGER_E_100, our accountants were able to easily crack the primitive code that is the German enigma. By now, it is so exceedingly obvious that the enemy's creativity is without bounds, for they have hastily thrown together yet another tank resembling a rectangular prism, that which they call the Waifutiger Of E-100. In their insanity, the Nazis believe that this so-called wunderbox would turn the tide of the Great Patriotic War, but by the leadership of the Party we will prove them wrong once more! For as we held the barricades of Leningrad from these barbaric invaders, so too will we repel this threat to the Soviet Union! The contents of the intercepted message are disclosed below, in its unaltered form. Viewing is currently reserved only for Stavka, and for officers within the Ministry of War who are granted authorization levels of three stars or more. A revised version may be released to the general public, after careful review to remove the treacherous lies and hateful ideals of the fascist propaganda machine. The message is as follows: "...our latest development in süperior German engineering, ze Waffentrager auf E-100, has successfully passed its first live field test at ze Ardennes, where two Waffentragers engaged and annihilated a platoon of zree American T110E5, ze best of zeir primitive kartoffeln. All reports indicate zat ze battle was met at over 9000 metres, and resulted in utter defeat for ze Americans in a mere ten seconds, wiz zero damage inflicted on our prototypes. Doubtless it was zat ze enemy never even spotted our Waffentrager, for by our iron fists zey were eradicated before zey could hope to respond! JA JA JA JA JA JA JA JA! It is now clear zat zis überpowered vehicle has been properly calibrated, balanced, and is ready for release. Zerefore, ze Führer orders zat all Kruppe, Porche, and Henschel mechanical works be re-tooled for ze mass-production of ze Waffentrager hull and turrets. However, as of today, ze vehicle is in very limited numbers and is only to be assigned to ze über-elite Spicy Sauerkraut troops. It is recommended zat zey be familiarized wiz ze Waffentrager as soon as possible; field manuals and colouring books will be provided wiz ze next shipment. Even a cursory glance can reveal zat ze Waffentrager boasts ze most high-quality optics known to ünicum-kind, allowing us to observe our pitifül prey from afar. Next, ze smoozly-built and well-lübricated gun-laying drive, coupled wiz inherently süperior German accuracy and a fast loading six-shot clip, allows us to effectively engage and surprise ze enemy at range. Such unparalleled comfort allows us to more easily eüthanize all of ze scrubbies in our way, and if it is ze dying wish of ze bads to compensate for zeir inferiority wiz more quantity, zen let zem all be mowed down in zeir fruitless rushes against ze Fatherland! Notice, during ze recent live test, only one breakdown in transmission was observed, a whole 100% improvement from previous tests; such is ze evidence of süperior German engineering! Furzermore, even during a mechanical breakdown, ze Waffentrager needs not move from ze nearest bush to destroy ze oncoming hordes of bads; for unlike ze unruly pubbie masses, our prim and proper tanks need not participate in vulgar brawling to achieve ze victory. Neverzeless, because our tanks can do everyzing better, ze Waffentrager can wreck ze American faces boz near and far! To furzer ze strength of ze Waffentrager, such firepower is mounted on a fülly operational türret; ze last sight our enemies shall ever behold is ze versatility of 420 degrees of rotation! However, it is düly noted zat despite such an engineering marvel, all of our designers insist zat ze turret armour cannot possibly be any heavier for fear of jamming ze türret. No matter, for as explained so eloquently above, ze Waffentrager can halt any advance from afar wizout ze slightest retaliation, and while ze lean turret armour does leave ze vehicle vülnerable to an aerial attack, ze power of ze legendary Lüftwaffe will protect us; for as effortlessly as ze eagle plucks a pigeon from ze skies, so shall our pilots hunt down any opposition! Orbital cannon as well are a non-issüe, for ze international Treaty of Nerfarty has effectively neütered most orbital cannon. Never shall ze filzy, mortal hands of ze 44% clickers scaze our invincible Waffentrager! Achtung! For its magestic size, ze Waffentrager consümes a high amount of fuel, ze very life blood of our mechanized forces. Ze safeguarding of zis valüable resource is left in ze capable hands of our Afrika Corps, who even now rebüke ze British from Tobrük for ze 5th time in a row, and will soon drive zese English dogs back to zeir ocean cage! Zen, we can cleanse from Afrika all of ze unworzy sand-clan, and claim ze valüable oil zat rightfully belongs to Deütschland! In addition, plans are in motion to explore ze frigid north, where we may also tap into ze oil reserves trapped under ze arctic. Ze preparation of ze historically-accurate viking expedition to Grönland is already underway, and we shall eradicate also ze pazetic snow-clan to farm more precious oil in ze name of our Fatherland. Such a move is an essential necessity to maintain ze long-term fünctionality of ze Axis war machine - failure here will not be tolerated! Finally, yet equally important, we must ensure ze stability of our war economy. Our reichsmarks are spread zin across four fronts, so it is imperative zat we use our resources effectively. During our tests of ze Waffentrager, extensive data was collected on ze operational costs of ze vehicle, inclüding ze cost of shells, vehicle repairs, and plenty of beer for ze crew. We see zat ze price of maintaining such a beast is considerably higher zan ze upkeep of a dozen Panzer IV combined, but it is our belief zat even a few süperior Waffentrager will be enough to triümph over ze waves of scrublords. Below are disclosed all of ze Waffentrager economical data, to be browsed at leisure: Indeed ze Waffetrager demands much care, but remains wholly feasible to operate, and will be integrated into ze mechanized army as soon as possible. It is clear, however, zat zrough ze Impüre Economics Solütion we suffer an unnecessarily large loss in our national treasury. Ze integrety of our country demands ze implementation of ze Aryan Economics Solütion to help recover ze expenditures of war! It is trüly tragic zat zis terrible plague is upon ze Fatherland, for zere are yet insolent pubbies living amongst us, restricting our ünicum performance and leeching our winrate bonuses wizout remorse. It must be ze düty of all ünicorn to weed out zeze bads, flush zem out from every hole zey hide, and cleanse zeir tainting presence from ze world. If ze eXtreme Vanity Monitor detects a scrublord, it is up to ze süperior race to immediately call out ze baddie, sperg upon zeir lack of intelligence, abüse zem as slave meatshields, and finally eüthanize zem to improve ze pürity of ze playerbase. Such a strict policy may seem cruel only to ze rüdimentary mind, but only zen can ze ünica floürish forevermore; only zen can Deütschland prosper wizout bounds! And now, wiz ze Waffentrager prepared and wiz ze American kartoffeln in füll retreat, we shall turn to ze East once more and continüe our siege against Moscow wiz renewed vigour. Defeat after defeat have we suffered at ze hands of ze Soviets, but are we to stand for such shame and hümiliation? Nein! It is time to show zese scrub-hümans zat ze finest sons of Germany can fight! Zis time, wiz no üntermensch to sabotage our flawless genius, we shall crush ze inferior slavic hordes and bring Russia down to her knees! By summer's end, all of Stalin's kommunistin will bow down before ze might of ze Wehrmacht! Finally, wiz ze success of ze Waffentrager, we can focüs on ze next generation of tanks. Even now, a yet more powerfül weapon is in ze works, for ze Führer has auzorized ze construction of ze first Landkreuzer P. 1000 Ratte prototype (*drinks*). Winning ze land war zen will be trivial, and we can march on to ze whole world and spread ze seeds of ünicorn civilization, reclaiming ze lands from ze pubbie masses. And wiz our enemies ünder ze heels of our boots, Germany will rightfully rise to ze top as ze one global süperpower: Deütschland über alles!..." Such are the silly fantasies of the fascistskiy, and if they are to take such delusions with them to the grave then so be it; the denial, the ignorance, and the arrogance of these vermin will be their own downfall. After extended analysis of the Waifutiger, we have determined that it indeed has an excessively overpowered and overpriced APCR round that could potentially pose a threat to the latest tanks of our Stalin series. However, we need neither waste the glory of the Stalin-4 nor the Stalin-7 to counter this new box-tank, when the Red Army's arsenal offers several other, more efficient, options. We demand from each only according to their ability, and in this matter our heavy tanks can be moved elsewhere to better serve our Motherland. http://youtu.be/HK2lNuiD7gM Firstly, the thin armour and deployment strategy of the Waifutiger closely resembles that of fascistskiy artillery, those pigs who cower at the back of the battlefield and fire without daring to show their hideous faces. They are sluggish to move, and pathetic in fighting up close when it counts. Upon such vile creatures we can unleash a company of BT-7 - light tanks of the Soviet Union. Against unprotected emplacements can we strike mercilessly and without warning, slaughtering the enemy like sheep before they can react. Quick and inexpensive to manufacture, our bystrokhodny tanks are our first defence against overextended and overconfident Waifutigers, who will learn to fear the thunderous charge of Red Cavalry! Secondly, against Waifutigers with support from lesser boxes, we resort to the T-34 - our mainline tanks and the backbone of the Red Army. By now it is well known that the T-34's technologically advanced sloped armour can bounce most any shell from regular fascist box-tanks, and thus we can shrug off the weaker boxes and surge forward to obliterate the Waifutigers before cleaning up any filth that may remain behind. Efficient Soviet industrial power and countless volunteers allow us to field the T-34 without limitation, everywhere across the front. Driven forward by the united cries of the workers, it will be the common tank of the people that carries the Red Banner from victory to victory! Finally, the Waifutiger's open hull is a lethal liability during the legendary Russian winter. So confident are the fascistskiy in taking Moscow by summer's end that they fail to provide for their own soldiers, repeating their past mistakes and again underestimating the sting of our harsh arctic blizzards. Any step they take into Mother Russia will be a step unto their own demise. Once the snow starts falling, the fascist box-tanks will be all but frozen, unable to ignite their gasoline engines, and unable to rotate that precious 420 degree turret. Then, with our victory at hand, we will lead the enemy to a crushing and humiliating defeat! Down from the skies will their aircraft fall, into the ground will their box-tanks crash. Over and over will we strike the enemy, from the left, from the right, to the East? To the West! Their black wings dare not fly over us; across our fields will they never tread. When the Waifutiger is no more, we will retake the offensive and press onwards to Berlin, to drive a shell of crimson into the the black heart of their wretched Reich. By the strength of the workers' hands, let us build a steel coffin for the murderous fascistskiy - the scum of humanity! --- Comrades, be sure to also learn about the original Workers' Revolutionary Soviet SU-26 Gold Economics Study: As well as the Glorious Expeditionary Soviet SU-152 Gold Economics Study: And Comrade Voroshilov's Supremely Soviet KV-1 Gold Economics Study: In addition to the People's Party's Premium Soviet T-127 Gold Economics Study: Plus the Great Industrial Soviet T-54 Gold Economics Study: Including the Marching Volunteers' Chinese Type T-34 Gold Economics Study: Furthermore, the Spacefaring Cosmonauts' Soviet S-51 Gold Economics Study: Not forgetting the Proletarian Public's Soviet IS-6 Gold Economics Study: Be sure to comment and spread the Soviet glory!
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