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AnArmyofBun

Bun's thread of Transitional Cataloging and discussion (and shenanigans).

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Did you ever doubt yourself? I can't imagine one day you just woke up and decided you wanted to be a woman and to take this amazing and arduous journey. Was it a long running theme in your life before you took the plunge, had you struggled with your identity for long?

Yeah. I did, and I'm fairly sure the other girls here did too. I struggled with the decision for months, and that was AFTER I lived with the situation for about ten years. It's not an easy decision to make, though maybe for some it's easier than for others.

 

What were the biggest hurdles you faced? I remember the portion about going away for a while so you don't need to relive that here but your parents had issues with it, how were your friends?

The biggest challenge, for me, was and is coming out to various people. Out of people I know personally, only my parents (and therapist) know, so far, and I'm horrified of telling anybody else because I don't know how they'll react, and this includes the few people I'd consider friends.

My online friends, though? I came out to them at roughly the same time a couple of months ago, and the response has been uniformly positive and supportive. 

 

What, if any, advice would you offer my friend? While I'm not bothered whatever he chooses I cant help but think, he is in a happy, sexually active long term relationship maybe he is better off staying as is? I don't think changing was a fleeting idea but something deeper for him but I wonder what he might be struggling with and what I don't know.

Honestly, I feel that this is going to sound a little pointless, but they need to make the decision themselves. If they're happy as they are, all power to them. I dunno how it is in Britain, but I have been told here, in Poland, that in the end the decision is up to me and my conviction. I feel it's best to not go through with it if they're not absolutely sure it's the best thing for them.

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I will write up my detailed breakdown of the question when I get home. I'm super busy today but I really wanna answer. So. I will when I can sit down.

<3

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You will note that I addressed your friend as 'your friend' every time instead of using pronouns like 'him' or 'her'. That is something you might do, asking your friend what pronoun s/he prefers.

To quote my friend "I'm a him right now so him is fine, I'll let you know if that changes"

I've already asked him that ;)

I have an amount of trans/gay/drag queen friends that would have my old fashioned father spluttering and grumbling.

I know at the end of the day it's his choice but I'm just trying to understand what he is thinking. Having said that I don't think I ever truly will, what with not experiencing the same feelings myself.

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I have said in a previous post that I read this entire thread and while I did, not all of it has stayed in my head because lets face it, there's a shedload of info, replies, different peoples stories etc so I apologise if I'm asking things that have been asked before and if I ask anything you don't wish to answer, feel free to tell me to sod off. I won't mind.

 

Did you ever doubt yourself? I can't imagine one day you just woke up and decided you wanted to be a woman and to take this amazing and arduous journey. Was it a long running theme in your life before you took the plunge, had you struggled with your identity for long?

 

I'd like to say no.  I never doubted myself.  But yes, I did.  I was terrified when I first started actually taking steps to transition that people would tell me I was wrong.  That I was just a fucked up individual, that I had no business doing what I was doing.  I was especially terrified of therapists.  Afraid of making the wrong choice or saying the wrong thing.  After I resolved to just be honest none of that happened of course.  Yes this was a long running theme in my life.  I'd never been very good at being a typical man.  In private I was always very much like I am now.  Soft, kind, sweet, feminine.  I've struggled with my identity for as long as I can remember.  Hating my name.  Hating my reflection, not knowing who it was in the mirror.  Wishing to trade places with adult women even as a child.  Singing like Ariel.  You name it. 

 

What were the biggest hurdles you faced? I remember the portion about going away for a while so you don't need to relive that here but your parents had issues with it, how were your friends? Signy is obviously ok with it.

 

I didn't lose any friends over it.  My friends are few and far between and generally very intelligent people who are compassionate and kind.  I gravitate to like minded people I guess.  The biggest hurdles I faced honestly were losing weight, understanding that I wasn't the worlds ugliest woman, and finally dressing in the right clothes.  That was super hard for me, because I always felt I was really ugly and that womens clothes would be a travesty on me, they're not, but try thinking of it with a chest full of hair in a low cut dress with no breasts.  RIP my sanity. 

 

I have a friend whom I met in a nightclub, I mistook him for a girl because he has a very feminine face and beautiful long hair, I started hitting on him and he told me he was a guy, I think I surprised him when I kept hitting on him but then he told me about his boyfriend (ten years this month) we had a laugh about it and hung out a lot after that. He wanted to do what you have done but was denied. I'm not sure how it differs for England and he doesn't like to talk about it much but he didn't meet with the "standards" they set for someone to be eligible for gender reassignment. I think his stable homosexual relationship and the fact he is very happy in said situation shows full reassignment would possibly not be the best course of action. He seemed pretty upset by the decision but overall he seems fine as he is.

 

What, if any, advice would you offer my friend? While I'm not bothered whatever he chooses I cant help but think, he is in a happy, sexually active long term relationship maybe he is better off staying as is? I don't think changing was a fleeting idea but something deeper for him but I wonder what he might be struggling with and what I don't know.

 

Honestly the only advice I could give anyone in their situation is to do what makes you happy.  You only have one shot in life, don't waste it.

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It's a longer way of saying YOLO.  :|

 

Signy: "Yall motherfuckers are yoloing."

Coooome baaack Siignyyyyy :

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It's a longer way of saying YOLO.  :|

 

Not really - YOLO is often used as an excuse to do something stupid, while your advice is more to make use of the one chance you have to do something worthwhile.

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I'm all moved and stuff!

yay

place is pretty cozy, but the decor sucks.

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That can always be fixed.  Glad to hear you are otherwise enjoying your new place.

 

 

Not really - YOLO is often used as an excuse to do something stupid, while your advice is more to make use of the one chance you have to do something worthwhile.

 

So much this.  I hate that phrase with a passion, because IMO it represents everything wrong with my generation.  It's used almost exclusively as an excuse for not being responsible and doing stupid stuff.  "Why did you run through traffic - naked?" "Because #YOLO!"  "Why did you party instead of studying for finals?" "Because #YOLO!"

 

Yo, no.

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It's like what Jack Black once said:

YOLO is retard for seize the day (carpe diem).

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Short update.

Begged family for help and they did, kind of plucked the last bit of kindness put of them at the same time though.

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*much hugs and positive thoughts sent Alesia's way*

 

Sharks are survivors.

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*much hugs and positive thoughts sent Alesia's way*

Sharks are survivors.

*hugs*

I woke up to find I had been payed, shed a few happy tears, I never thought I'd be so happy to see money in my bank account

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Alesia, excuse the harshness but:  You have been given a reprieve, probably the last one you will get from the family for your own admission.  Don't get put in the same position again.

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Alesia, excuse the harshness but: You have been given a reprieve, probably the last one you will get from the family for your own admission. Don't get put in the same position again.

The only reason I ended up in that position was because I took on debt for a relationship that I ended up breaking off, and loosing the extra income I was going to have from.

Trust me I have no intention of ever getting back in that position.

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I was just reading a reddit thread asking older members of the lgbt community what things were like for them in the 60s/70s/80s/90s.  After reading through most of the responses and seeing how fucking awful society was (and sometimes still is) it just reminded me to stop in here and remind you how fucking awesome you all are.  Have a great day.

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I was just reading a reddit thread asking older members of the lgbt community what things were like for them in the 60s/70s/80s/90s.  After reading through most of the responses and seeing how fucking awful society was (and sometimes still is) it just reminded me to stop in here and remind you how fucking awesome you all are.  Have a great day.

 

I was reading the same thread.

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Not really - YOLO is often used as an excuse to do something stupid, while your advice is more to make use of the one chance you have to do something worthwhile.

 

dayZYoLo.jpg

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im sitting here, my nails painted, wearing cute socks, having just got back from the psych who said she's sign me up for the psychiatric/medical tests required for being allowed to go through HRT and i'm almost crying because i'm getting closer to me

it's not a guarantee or anything but i'm one step closer

 

that's really all i wanted to say

 

i need to learn how to do makeup though, i am such a noob at doing girly things, hehehe

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http://www.gofundme.com/tbjf84

 

A friend asked me to pass this around. RIP :(

 

That's incredibly sad.  Saying this probably confirms me as a terrible human being, but please never say things like "she made a plan to jump off of the George Washington Bridge...", then follow it immediately by saying "To read more about Rachel and her impact...".  FFS

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im sitting here, my nails painted, wearing cute socks, having just got back from the psych who said she's sign me up for the psychiatric/medical tests required for being allowed to go through HRT and i'm almost crying because i'm getting closer to me

it's not a guarantee or anything but i'm one step closer

 

that's really all i wanted to say

 

i need to learn how to do makeup though, i am such a noob at doing girly things, hehehe

 

Every long journey starts with a small step, yada yada blah blah. :) You know I'm proud of you, hon. Keep on doing what you're doing. :)

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