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The Official Garbad Fan Club Thread

Which moderator's cunt smells the worst?  

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  1. 1. Which moderator's cunt smells the worst?

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Apparently, there's as in-game wotlabs channel up and running now, as well. Just post in it with your wotlabs name, I'm sure someone will give you a hand getting started.

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Comrades!  The evil oppressors, angered by the notion of Garbadic freedom, have muzzled my great father for a week.  But do not fear.  No doubt the retards like viktor will poast plenty of worthwhile content to keep you entertained until I, um, I mean my father, return.



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Flagrantly evading ROs is a good way to lose the alt and make you main's vacation last longer.

But that would mean people would have to wait longer to read EVE stories :(
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i missed all the drama :( must have been really tense to make garbad make an alternative account just to cry about it.

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i missed all the drama :( must have been really tense to make garbad make an alternative account just to cry about it.

That was his Euro account. He didn't make it because of wotlabs drama.

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What happened here? I always feel like the stoned guy that comes around later and has no clue in the wotlabs drama...

someone made a minor shitpoast in normal font size that was summarily ignored by everyone.....


...except garbad, who made an even shittier shitpoast in 48pt type. minor shitpoaster got a warning. garbad got a 7 day ro. the end.

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So, while Garbad is... away, I will be relaying his stories.


The Battle of 5 Armies:


By now it was common knowledge shit was going down in the south.  As always, death attracts scavengers.  Some came to seek opportunity in the chaos.  Others came for loyalty (or hate) to one side or another.  Still more came just for the chance to commit acts of senseless violence.  Every day they came, and every day we killed them.


A few key groups joined the war at this time.  First, Pandemic Legion -- the future overlords of the world -- joined the russians as a mercenary corp.  They were small, but had the largest capital fleet in eve.  At first they did little, but we knew they were in the area, sniffing about.  Second, Atlas alliance (loosely considered a vassal of AAA, but a very large force on their own), moved to join us.  Finally, SyS-K (the european alliance I worked for during the Syrian war) voted to disband, and some of their elements decided to move south.  One of these corps was the Legiunea Romana (The Romanian Legion).  They captured an unclaimed station on the edge of the South and waited.


Meanwhile, the russians continued to slowly attack our fortresses.  During the next three months, a pattern evolved.  Each day or two, they would siege a fortress.  Each night, we would rally a defense fleet of 250-1000.  They would attack with 500-1500.  We would kill far more than we lost, often inflicting serious losses...but then they would drop in heavy assets (mass battleships and even a few capitals) and we would withdraw, and they would hold the field.


This was not a bad thing.  Most of us grunts quite enjoyed the fighting -- killing 300 russians and losing 30 of your own guys is good for morale and good gaming, even if they keep the stupid station.  We had plenty of depth in our defenses, and besides, we all were veterans.  We knew the dance of war -- bait your opponent in, make him think he could totally conquor if ONLY he committed everything to the battlefield....and then slam the golden fleet down on them and massacre them all.  So we kept fighting, russians kept dying, the south kept burning...and we kept losing land.


Soon the russians conquered deep into our space.  Their path led them to a place called Q-K.  Q-K was a dead end system (one way in and out) but was one of our key production centers for the south (great carebear wealth there, plus it was well fortified).  Or so it appeared.  Q-K was also within backdoor titan bridge range of RPS (ie, we could drop in reinforecements EVEN if the gate was blockaded) AND ALSO was within supercarrier range of Z-R, which just so happened to be one of the secret staging/fueling points for the golden fleet.  When the russians attacked the Q-K system, every vet alive had a pretty damn good idea this was not a night to take off.


I logged on that night right after work -- a few hours before the battle was to occur...and as soon as I got on TS I heard the cries of battle.  AAA was scrambling all forces as they arrived, the battle was underway already!  Thankfully I had already prepared in advance, so I suited up my favorite warship and hit the door.  Small gangs of us were moving to the nearby system of 2-K, where a moderate scale battle was underway.  En route, we were briefed on the situation -- the game had changed.


PL's spies, correctly piecing together our plan, had attacked an unguarded station within supercarrier jump range of Q-K.  The implications were obvious -- PL intended to counterdrop the golden fleet in the height of the battle with the russians.  But we weren't the only ones who noticed this.  The Romanian Legion had also tracked PL's movements, and observed their plan.  Of their own initiative, they attacked the PL elements as they attempted to set up a fueling base for that evening.  This was of course their prime time, and very early in the afternoon for PL, so despite their small size PL was struggling to hold them off.  We raced to their assistance. At the same time, PL pulled out the batphone and called in the russians.  Although they were not ready, they rallied what they had and raced to the battlefield as well.  


It was a classic clusterfuck spanning 5 solar systems.  Atlas fought russians here, we fought PL there, the romanians fought russians way over there, we all fought russians everywhere.  It wasn't even fleets, per se -- much of it was 20 men here vs 15 men here, each trying to meet up with his friends.  It was chaotic, small gang warfare...and that was exactly what we were trained to do, what we were born to do...and what the russians, and PL, could not do.  Furthermore, thanks to our nearby supply depo (and the fact we knew the land) allowed us to move quicker, replace losses quicker, and kill anything that moved.  PL realized a lost cause, and abandoned their base, but the russians simply gritted their teeth and threw every man they had into the meat grinder.

In time, we dominated more and more of the field until the remaining russians formed one superblob outside of Q-K.  They turtled hard and attempted to win despite the swarming wolves nipping at their heels, but the outcome was already determined.  They were all killed, over 1200 russians in total.  Our losses were much fewer, only around 150 (although I was shot down 3 times in one day, the first and only time in my eve career I died more than one in a day).


It was a major victory.


The russian offensive was shattered, although they didn't seem to realize it.  They moved their staging point to a system right next to ours, which we instantly attacked.  In the next few days, we sacked their staging point in X-19 (A memorable battle for me, although it was only ~250 dead.  The russians prepared a rape cage on the inside of the gate, and our FC called for a wing of volunteers to rush in first and die so the softies could follow us in and hopefully live.  I volunteered, and my Ghettothron Mark II was the first ship through the hole.  Despite the full fury of the russian armada raining down on me, I lived, and we won the battle) and retook dozens of our outlying systems.  More importantly, we gained a key ally -- the Romanians were few, but could fight the russians on their own time zones and in their own way.  This was invaluable, and many, many times their quick action early in the day (at great cost to themselves) got us a foothold that we could later exploit once the muricans got home from work.  They were our most important ally in the days to come.


Morale surged, and we looked to drive the russians completely out of the south...and perhaps invade the drone wastelands (aka, siberia).  Did I mention it was late fall?


Next:  The Liberation of RPS

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So Garbad, where you part of the HED battle tonight? 1600 in local when I got off.

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> So Garbad, where you part of the HED battle tonight? 1600 in local when I got off.

No. I intended to be, but forgot and instead was grinding my JT. God dammit. Our killboard looks like 250 PL fought off 925 brave. Not bad, although 6 hours of TIDI sounds horrific.


The Liberation of RPS


The Battle of Five Armies was a great victory. It catered to our strengths perfectly -- our dominance in small, scouty skirmishers provided a major tactical advantage. But the chaotic, unorganized nature of the scramble meant that on that night every man grabbed whatever ship he wanted as he left the door. And although we fought very well and won, we still sprayed a long trail of wrecks of every type all over five systems. And in steel as in flesh, corpses leave clues.


By now the russians knew damn well knew we were superior to them, and they knew it was in large part to our organization and battle doctrines. Before this point, the russians didn't know what they didn't know. Each russian brought whatever ship he felt inclined to fly fit however he felt was best. They now knew that we did not -- we had organized, preplanned fleet composition with a high degree of specialization that were designed to fight under certain conditions in a certain way, all as a group. And when the variety was viewed together, the discerning eye could now see WHY things were done a certain way. This allowed the russians to reverse engineer our doctrines to refit their fleets, plus they began to brainstorm battlefield tactics to counter each fleet archetype.


Being russian, they did not completely adopt western tactics and equipment. They seemed to understand that a large chunk of their troops would always be badly geared, badly disciplined fodder. But they also had veterans (three months of this war made veterans of us all), and these veterans began to organize along our lines. They called themselves the Fremen. The fremen matched our tactics and methods, while the blob was used to swamp the field in key battles. The fremen did not like switching ships as we did, due to their relative inexperience and adaptability compared to our veterans. Instead, they looked at the strengths of our most common skirmishers -- shield tanked, fast moving, close range ships and developed a counter. This was based around the Zealot hull, a medium priced cruiser with armor tanking, good agility, great tracking of fast targets, good range...and a damage type ideally suited to killing shield tanked ships. They called them some unnatural russian word, so we called them Armorhacs, and it had a meta changing impact.


For while our skirmishing tactics were already approaching the maximum peak of player skill and lethality in small groups, in large groups we became redundant if not ineffective. By contrast, the armorhacs could fight reasonably well in small groups yet also scale to a truly industrial level. Soon they learned very well the advantages of specialized defensive backlines, and they too became very skilled in the information and movement dominance that quick ships provide. So although they were still no match for our veterans in a small fight, they learned to bypass our skill and move in a crushing, quick moving, and supremely tactically flexible zerg ball that swept space to allow them to drop in their massive capital and heavy assets at will.


In the weeks after the battle, among the endless skirmishes and battles, a group of 80 Fremen met a standard fleet of 100 AAA hellcats....and won. Although it was a small scale battle with little to no tactical importance, it marked the first defeat we had taken against a russian force even remotely close to us in size. At the time, we wrote this off to fleet error on our part. Even when we routed and killed the fleet only hours later with a smaller gang, the new fleet raised eyebrows. It was no longer a given that our fleets could wade into the russian hordes and massacre them regardless of numbers.


Essentially, the gap in skill between our veterans and the russian hordes was getting smaller, while the size of the russian swarms were getting larger. Yet necessity is the mother of invention, so as the problem began to become clear, our engineers and logistians began seeking a solution. It was not quick in coming.


In the meantime, the war ground on. Day by day, we isolated and obliterated russian outposts, retaking in less than a week what it took the russians three months to take. We drove them out of the entire south, except for one system. But in a surprise attack, the russians took a large assault force behind our lines and attacked RPS, our staging system. The russians had no possible hope of escape, and we had tremendous amounts of material in the fortress. There was some concern that if we lost the battle, our supplies would be cut off, but leadership assured us this was not a problem.


We fell back, surrounding the russian task force. It turned out to be another massive battle, with ~1200 stranded russians assaulting the fortress. We had around 500, but the battle went quite favorably. Much of the russian small stuff, including the armorhac fleet, were killed in the first stages of the battle. We had losses as well, but at this point a certain level of attrition was not a concern. But as their fleet was waivering on the edge of collapse, the russians jumped in their heavy assets, including a sizable force of carriers, dreads...and supercapitals. A quick count established 88 carriers, 22 supers.




At that moment, the commander called for the golden fleet to ready up. They had a little ritual right before a hot drop into a hostile battle -- Do the Dance, do the dance. We had over 120 Supers with another 100 carriers ready to rock. The little ships locked the russians into place, laid down the cyno, and...


...the commander said to hold...and to hold...and to hold....and then to stand down. The time was not right -- he didn't know where PL was, and had reports they were in the area. The risk was simply too high, he said.


Without the golden fleet, the small stuff was driven back, and the russians took the system. We fell back in an orderly retreat, and then started wondering where to reorganize. After all, RPS was our staging point -- literally all of our ships, ammo, fuel, and infrastructure were based there. But despite the disappointment from not landing the knockout blow, leadership said not to concern ourselves with it. Our allies air lifted in supplies to tide us over for a few days, our spies would get more info about PL by tomorrow, and we would retake the system then.


So a bit of a cockblock, but not a huge setback in any material way.

This marked the beginning of the second year of the war.


Next: Atlas Shrugs


Around this time CCP released a game advertisement called, “I was there.”


Naturally, our propagandists had to release their own version:


And so did the russians:


And check out who was the #1 ranked pilot in the alliance \o/



P.S.  If anyone has questions or doesn't understand, feel free to ask.

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After the loss of RPS, the russians again struck out to retake the carebear pipe.  Once again, the pattern emerged -- our skirmishers dominated the pregame, we would generally win the subcapitals..and then the russians would swamp the field with carriers/battleships, and hold the system despite massive losses.  We learned than PL was indeed in the area, and was actively stalking the golden fleet.  They also had about 120 supercapital ships, although they had more titans while we had more motherships.  This meant that they would win a head to head fight, especially under TiDi, unless they wasted their doomsday weapons on smaller ships first.  We also did not have a clear idea of the russian capital fleet size, but it was assumed to be substantial.


So we did not retake RPS the next day, or the next week.  This left our assets, including large amount of our wealth producing assets, stranded in the station.  For a lot of us, this left us with only the ship we were flying and no means to earn money to buy more ships. But because the golden fleet was afraid to risk an engagement that might prove catastrophic, we weren't able to stop the bleeding.


After a few months of attrition and grinding on each other, we came up with a plan.  We reasoned:


- The Russians are fighting at ~2-4 AM every night.  Eventually, they will get tired of staying up so late every night.

- PL is working on a contract, and getting back shit for kills.  They too, will get bored.

- We can defeat the russian supcaps at any time, and can likely defeat their capital blob at any time.  We just need to get PL away.

- The russians had a seemingly inexhaustible supply of T1 materials...but relatively few t2 materials.  So while they could make battleships all day long, we believed we could cut off their supply of t2 mats, and thus, armorhacs.

- Our core strength was small gang skirmishing -- the more spread out the action was, the more likely we are to win.


So we split the army into three sections.  The golden fleet and a wing of support moved to the north to capture PL systems.  This was obviously to bait the PL fleet away to defend their lands, and let us work on the russians.  Another fleet of experienced skirmishers was sent into siberia to reave, burn, and blockade the russian lands, which were as of yet untouched by war.  I was assigned to this group.  Finally, the majority of the fleet were left in the south to find grinding, drawn out stalling actions to just plain burn out the enemy, and when opportunity presented, to jump the russian fleet.  This wing was led by Atlas.


So we struck out on three fronts.  PL systems began falling by the score...and PL didn't even flinch.  Their fleet sat exactly where it was.  Our raids had somewhat more success...but it didn't take long to realize that Siberia was vast, cold, and almost completely devoid of human life.  Virtually every ship we met was a russian farming bot, and although we destroyed millions the bots didn't care.  We took to the forums bitching, and poasted up irrefutable proof of botting (ships online for 23 hours a day for 3 straight months, spending exactly 5 minutes per belt without ever taking a break, etc), but in a move that would do wargaming proud, CCP simply forum banned our guys for poasting private information and sent out a warning to the bots.  The bots were back in their routes the next day.  Still, there was lots of russian material to burn, so we reaved far and wide.


This went on for a few weeks, and Atlas decided to risk open battle, even though the rest of us were out of range to assist.




So our allies retreated to their space, beaten and bloodies.  The russians quickly pursed, and before we could intervene Atlas was completely destroyed, taking ~6k soldiers and ~40 supercapitals down with them...and leaving our central holdings dangerous destabilized.  Things were beginning to look quite bad.  Our supply lines were cut, our allies were withering, and our counter offensives had failed.  It seemed clear we would need to regroup and find another way to displace the russian invaders.


Next:  Betrayal


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War, war never changes~


The Great War in Eve by most notation was RSF + NC vs BOB and pets.

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Though, it did have some great propaganda:


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Just want to say thanks Garbad for making me a better player, you're articles are making (and made me) improve so much, so thank you.

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The things pubbies do for eve stores


So tonight I was finishing my T-54L grind to 100 games.

Replay Pack:





I failed in my goal.  Only one MOE like a pubfailure.  :/  But a pubby insisted I write more eve stories, and was willing to pay the price.



The T-54L is now officially and permanently retired for tournament/stronk use.


A brief interlude from war to describe one of my ships...affectionately known as the Ghettothron Mark II.


I was born Caldari, and flew small missile ships.  But when I moved to 0.0, my corp insisted that everyone be able to fly a battleship -- large, moderately expensive combat ships that have high HP, high power...but are very slow.  At the time, battleships used what was called the spider tank, where each battleship supported the man next to him and formed a mighty phalanx.

After weeks of EFT research, I concluded that the battleship I could fly best was the Dominix.  I grinded and trained for 2 months, then flew to Jita to buy it.  As I was admiring my new ship in Jita, a dude approached me and offered to buy it for much more than I had just paid for it.  I was intensely suspicious, but the money was right there.  He put it in the trade window and approved it, so I took the trade...and promptly got scammed out of my life's savings.  >.<

(Word to the wise, pubbies.  Literally every single word anyone ever says in Jita local is a lie.  LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE WORD).


I was crushed and demoralized.  My corpmates heard me sobbing on TS, and one of the elder bears let me have his battleship, a Megathron.  But...I couldn't really fly a Megathron.  I couldn't even equip guns on it, so I just used medium guns.  I couldn't afford armor plating so I just used whatever random shit I could find on the corpses of those we killed.  From this was born the Ghettothron.

Now don't misunderstand me -- I hated that turd.  I didn't want to fly battleships -- too slow, too boring.  Like all ignorant noobs, I craved the fast moving, sexy interceptors and cloaky recons, and whenever I could, that's what I flew.  I flew the Ghettothron when I was forced to.  In addition, the dude who gave it to me fully insured it, so I would get a sweet 100 mil paywhen it died.  I hoped I died as soon as possible so I could buy something cool.

But the Ghettothron was lucky.  Freakish lucky.  It refused to die, no matter what I did.  I flew the ghettothron 33 jumps through hostile space to jita alone to pick up skillbooks...and back.  I wandered around 0.0 alone for months.  I flew in tons of battles, every time right on the front lines, just hoping to die.


And nothing.


People wouldn't even shoot at me.  I was a veteran of something like 9 major fleet battles before I ever even saw a hostile look at me.  And keep in mind, some of those battles were losses.  I remember one battle in particular we had 82 ships in fleet.  81 died, but somehow the Ghettothron still came out without a scratch.


But all things come to an end.  In the middle of the Great War during a boring fleet OP, I just left fleet and autopiloted home.  Sadly, the russians were learning.




RIP Ghettothron Mark II

101 Kills, 1 loss

Fly recklessly, brave pubbies.  o7


More to come.  I will push through on the war, and try to get to the Dying Time if I can.

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