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Fire_Hive

Crazy Stories

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Assuming most of us have a job and work directly with customers (retail seller, customer service, tech support) our direct contact with the customer results in sometimes very strange events. This thread is for all the weird stories, the occasional derp customer or some crazy story from your everyday job.

I'll kick it off:

So I work at this big retail store called Fnac in Brazil (kinda like Best Buy, we work with electronics, books, dvds, and music; If you were to walk into my store it would be the closest thing you'd have to Best Buy here in Brazil) and started off as a seller but was promoted to tech support. I basically help people with their inability to comprehend Operating Systems of any kind and from time to time fix comps, I also do start ups of pcs bought by the customers (I install some programs and update the PC for them so they leave the store ready to go).

Today this lady bought a laptop and asked of me the strangest thing I have seen to date. She asked me to install 2 erotic games besides the other programs i usually install and was very open about it. The thing that intrigued me the most was that she was a female (the first I've seen and she wasn't even pretty) who openely admitted she was addicted to such games. Well I usually do this at my work bench but the problem was that anyone could see what I was doing, thankfully only one of the games didn't show anything when downloading but the other one did. I didn't end up installing the second one cuz it required an account and there was some graphic cgi stuff goin on in the background and ninja closed it as soon as i saw it.

Hopefully I wont have to go throught something like that again...

Whats your story?

Edit: will +1 for good stories

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I work at a medicine production plant. We export to many countries but one story will always stick to me. You see, we also export to Israel/Palestina (was before the blockades came in effect) and the salesdepartement had the brilliant idea to make a unified infofolder and bottle-labels, containing both hebrew and arabic, so we had less overhead in shippingcosts etc.

 

After a week, our QC departement noticed this (shippings can't leave the factory without their approval) and apparantly they got furious. Turns out labels containing both hebrew & arabic destinied for middle-east is amongst the worst things you can do on PR.... who knew?

So for the next month we've been pulling off lables manually to relabel those bottles... that was fun NOT! Ever tried removing 100K bottle-labels to relabel? It sucks (yes we were with a team, still sucks). Mistake never happened again. And the supposed savings? Alll gone, manual labour is expensive.

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I was in Iraq, it was July of 2003.  We had been in country for around 75 days at this point with no showers.  You were given two 1 liter bottles of water a day for drinking and personal hygiene.  Well come on, it's freaking IRAQ IN SUMMER.  Temperatures are probably up around 130-ish during the hottest parts of day where we were at, you sweat 2 liters out a day.... Nobody, and I mean NOBODY was using very much water on personal hygiene, we had a water buffalo (water tank on a trailer) but it was considered a part of the daily ration.  Up to this point we had been using baby wipes to take care of our naughty bits and perform as much hygiene as possible, but the supplies were running low.....

 

Now before I go any farther I should point out that this was a mixed gender unit (i.e. male and female).  We were parked on the corner of bum fuck Egypt and the Sahara, nobody for miles and miles, nothing but sand and the asphalt air strip the engineers had been kind enough to locate way out there (dicks).

 

A sand storm had rolled through earlier in the morning, if you've never been in one, I don't know that I can accurately describe them.... You can barely see your hand if you out stretch your arm, everything is this rust color.  The sand isn't sand like you and I normally think of sand, it's a multi grain affair, some are coarse and hurt like hell, some are so fine it's more like a powder.  Weird stuff.  Well anyway, this sand storm had rolled through, guys who had managed to sleep through it (we were exhausted) had a fine layer of sand over their faces, I remember opening my eyes and feeling the sand shifting and sliding off of my eyelids.  The sand was EVERYWHERE, in our rucks, inside the clothes we were wearing, it had managed to work its way up into the threads on our canteen caps, I mean that stuff was EVERYWHERE.

 

Well our shift is all waking up and starting to move around, I notice this Dominican girl (We shall call her Desnudo) in our unit heading over to the first aid kit, I watched for a moment but she just grabbed some small packets, no bandages, nobody hurt, cool, back to getting ready.  So there I am, I've gotten dressed, I'm in the process of putting my flak vest and battle rattle on getting ready to go check on my guys.  Suddenly I hear a shriek like someone had opened the ninth gate of hell!  I snag my M16 and head towards the sound.  All of the sudden Desnudo comes FLYING out of the females tent.  Butt. Ass. Naked.  

 

She sprinted across the tarmac on a direct course to the water buffalo and she set some kind of record for a forty yard dash in the buff!  Once she reached it she thrust her pelvis foward like she wanted to hump it, flipped the spigot and began splashing and rubbing water on her sausage wallet.  The entire time she was cursing very boisterously in Spanish.  A couple of girls followed her out at a more sedate pace and put some ponchos up around the water buffalo, so alas the free show didn't last long.

 

Now I love to laugh, and I wanted to know more about this most entertaining event that I had just witnessed.  As soon as I had the opportunity I asked her what in the hell had happened.  She absolutely refused to answer.  I badgered her for months!  No joy.  A year and some change later we finally returned to the States, we had spent 19 months there.  It was time for a party.  Desnudo was having a party at her house and I decided to go.  Now not being the sort to give up easily I was still seeking an answer to the event I had witnessed (and will never forget).  I waited and liberally and shamelessly fed her drinks until she was well past the point of normal inhibitions.  Then I asked the question she had refused to answer for over a year.  

 

She had been having 'lady problems' due to the lack of hygiene, and with the recent sand storm she quite literally had gotten sand in the snatch (ever wonder where that expression came from, now you know).  She had run out of baby wipes the day before, so after the storm ended and she was off shift, she went to the first aid kit, pulled out some wipes.  She took these wipes back to her cot, stripped down and then proceeded to clean in between her curtains with said wipes.  One small problem.  They were alcohol wipes!

 

I still get a chuckle out of that every time I think of it.

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Here are two stories about a guy I used to work with. He was pretty smart, but didn't have a lick of common sense.  I'll call him "Okie" to protect the guilty and because...well, he was from Oklahoma.

 

Story The First:  We were sitting around a table, waiting for shift change.  In walks a coworker, eating a Honey Bun.  Okie said, "Hey, Rick, split your bun and give me some."  Okie was rather confused when we all fell out of our seats, laughing.

 

Story The Second:  Several of us were standing in a circle, discussing I-forget-what.  Coworker1 claimed how hard/impossible some activity was.  Okie said, "I can do it." Coworker2 said, "Okie, you can't walk and chew gum at the same time."  Okie said, "Sure I can. Watch."  He then proceeded to over-exaggerate chewing his gum and walked backwards...right into an empty shipping crate. Needless to say, he tripped and landed in said crate, arms and legs sticking up in the air. 

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@Ruwed: I lol'ed at your story, will +1 you when I get back to my comp ( on mobile at the moment)

 

No worries bud, I just enjoy sharing humorous stories!  If I remember all the funny stuff I'd post up more, but you have to be in a certain state of mind to call up those stories, just haven't found it lately.  Working on it though!

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Just found this thread again and realized I completely forgot about posting my stories ._.

They are pretty short since most of the funny stuff happens in the first seconds of the call.

 

On one call, a guy from São Paulo, one of the very few cities in Brazil that still use 110v outles, calls in and says that he's having a problem with his office's $10,000 printer. This is what he said, translated in the most direct possible way:

 

"Hey! I'm having a bit of a problem here. We just got this new Lexmark printer, and I was trying to connect it to the outlet. The printer is 110v but all the 110 outlets are being used, so I hooked it up on a 220 outlet. Now there's a little smoke coming out of the printer, that normal?"

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That sucks, where I work all the outlets are 220v and some times the products don't come with an automatic PSU so either you manually switch the voltage or you find a transformer to get it to 110v. Safe to say a lot of stuff has been burnt out by the workers here. I myself haven't done it at all, so there's another +1 I have with my boss.

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