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CraBeatOff

I'm not dead

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I have an odd dichotomy.   I dislike the concept of kids, but don't blame them for their actions.  I'm pretty Damn good with them as well.  Probably due to my desire to keep visiting friends in their post-spawning state.  But then I walk away, and realize with some terror just how easily my mind drifts to justified, brutal infanticide.

It makes me wonder if anyone dealt with kids before deciding to have one.  And if all kids are born in ignorance, or if people honestly plan to create one... and the real kicker: how do couples end up with multiple kids?

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2 minutes ago, Trobs said:

I was brought up in a strong family and I had the desire for kids for a while. As I got older I started the realize the commitment of time and money kids involve. The stress they put on parents is high and there is no guarantee you end up with a decent kid. My sister for example is a completely fuck up while my brothers are all normal stable people. As for genetics, my family has a history of problems but I've never shown any of them.

In all honestly, I am the perfect candidate to have children. Financially stable, educated, solid relationship and very healthy. But the desire left me a long time ago.

Plus, I fucking hate babies. Crying bags of poop.

It's a worrisome that the wrong people are having all the babies.

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1 minute ago, Deusmortis said:

It makes me wonder if anyone dealt with kids before deciding to have one.  And if all kids are born in ignorance, or if people honestly plan to create one... and the real kicker: how do couples end up with multiple kids?

Do you like any of your siblings? Do you think sibling bonds are valuable for the development of the person, as well as for the duration of life? No doubt you're rolling the dice every time, but the wife and I see the value in having those relationships between the kids. Plus my hubris-tic desire to improve my contribution to the gene pool and the future of humanity. It is a truth that at some point in the future, I will either be the common ancestor to all people, or none of them. I'm hoping for all. And I've got things to teach my kids!

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I have an odd family dynamic as well.  Youngest sibling is 18 years older than me.   None were really around when I was growing up.  Didn't really from bonds until later in life.

Part of your justification sounds like "I'll further inconvenience myself for the sake of my prior inconvenience "to my cynical ears.  It's likely something I'll never understand, until some sitcom plot thrusts an infant upon me.

 

But hey, if kids have to happen, I'm happier to see them come from good stock, rather than the pubbie rabble.

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42 minutes ago, Trobs said:

That's why I do my best to avoid having a shitty job or life.

Yeah. Why would you have a shitty job or life? Ok, if one has some serious mental or physical issues. But else?

Most guys here live in developed countries where you can become what ever you want. Provided you work towards it.

No need to have a shitty life and job.

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9 minutes ago, PrivateBert said:

Yeah. Why would you have a shitty job or life? Ok, if one has some serious mental or physical issues. But else?

Most guys here live in developed countries where you can become what ever you want. Provided you work towards it.

No need to have a shitty life and job.

Using my sister as an example.

She had all the same support I had and she could sing. She had a full college ride for singing even.

She started doing drugs to be cool. Got knocked up by someone (literally has no idea who the dad of my niece is) and then dropped out.

Now she is super obese, her beautiful singing voice is forever ruined by smoking, 3 kids by 3 fathers, gave up her daughter to my parents and "works" enough to stay on government assistance.

No idea why someone would do that to themselves.

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People are definitely born with their own personalities. My son is extremely empathetic and caring. Whereas, I could tell in the first week that my daughter was going to end up as one of the most stubborn people that I'd ever know

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39 minutes ago, Deusmortis said:

I have an odd dichotomy.   I dislike the concept of kids, but don't blame them for their actions.  I'm pretty Damn good with them as well.  Probably due to my desire to keep visiting friends in their post-spawning state.  But then I walk away, and realize with some terror just how easily my mind drifts to justified, brutal infanticide.

It makes me wonder if anyone dealt with kids before deciding to have one.  And if all kids are born in ignorance, or if people honestly plan to create one... and the real kicker: how do couples end up with multiple kids?

Kids are like a disease that can be cured. you can teach them and mold their personalities, and they can do the same for you. but. one day the sickness is gone and all that is left is an emotional hole. kind of like cancer treatment, radiated, chemoed, and then cut, but hopefully the cure happens and after 20 years you are in remission. stronger, but missing an important part of your life. 

Ask your parents how they feel about children and see what they say, but from my experience a person that says they couldn't stand children and don't have one does not know the affect of seeing a life born that they helped to create come into the world. what they will find is true love at first sight and all the feelings of work disappear and morph into love and responsibility. that is why some people have multiple children. 

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43 minutes ago, Trobs said:

...

No idea why someone would do that to themselves.

Yeah. Me neither.

To the topic: I never cared much about children, but my wife and me...we did not prevent pregnancy..or how do you say that?

It never happened. I am 45 now, no kids. And now it is too late. We would not want any now, they would grow up with superold parents. Not good.

Sometimes I regret it a bit, but not very much. I am happy as is.

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I always felt like I'd be doing a disservice to my blood if I didn't continue the line at some point, but, I've got a long ways to go before I have to decide.

For the moment, I've quit tanks, learned to rollerblade, and have begun actively fighting my bad habits. 

My biggest issue is that I'm still used to wasting inordinate amounts of time doing nothing, and things can take forever to get done because it can be hard to get myself working and stay working.

I realize it's all a matter of habit-forming, it's not going to be easy to change my tendencies... but it can be disheartening nonetheless...

Any thoughts?

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Yeah. Work on challenging stuff, something that needs everything you got and more. Do not work on boring stuff if you can avoid it.

Then you will find yourself fixed to the task, every break is a nuisance until the task is finished / solved.

Best thing: that stuff pays best :)

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My friends who have children are always up my ass about when my girlfriend will finally get around to firing her babycannon.  I try to tell them that we are perfectly happy with no crotchfruit running/barfing/shitting around the house and they don't buy it.  I've come to believe that they are envious of the fact that we can sleep in, can spend money on things other than doctors and diapers and that our vacation time isn't all blown on sick days (since kids are fucking GERM FARMS) or snow days.  They have become disconnected from a care/shit/barf free life and are angry that we remain as a reminder of the terrible mistake(s) they have made.  I fucking love it.

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I'm glad you're still alive and kicking Crab. I'm more often than not amused by your posts.

As for kids, well, like anything you kind of get out of them what you put into em.

I'm happy with my daughter because I think I've managed to avoid putting her through some of the weird narcissistic bullshit  I went through with my family growing up. She's 11, pulling straight A's in school. (Something I never managed.) She wants to go into forensic science to do CSI work. And she wants me to teach her how to get gud at tenks. lol

(INB4 u bad at tenks bro)

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1 hour ago, KillerTiger said:

yo when we gunna lift and talk about stats

I'll try to get on TS at some point...I need to get some headphones

1 hour ago, Shifty_101st said:

I thought some fgt lobster killed you and sold you to some Maine fish restaurant 

 

The crabs will be back, and in greater numbers. 

42 minutes ago, Cunicularius said:

I always felt like I'd be doing a disservice to my blood if I didn't continue the line at some point, but, I've got a long ways to go before I have to decide.

For the moment, I've quit tanks, learned to rollerblade, and have begun actively fighting my bad habits. 

My biggest issue is that I'm still used to wasting inordinate amounts of time doing nothing, and things can take forever to get done because it can be hard to get myself working and stay working.

I realize it's all a matter of habit-forming, it's not going to be easy to change my tendencies... but it can be disheartening nonetheless...

Any thoughts?

You're on the right path. Find stuff to fill that time. I kind of tend that same way, having stuff like job demands, family, workout goals makes me push further and instead of just burning the time. Find some carrots, force yourself into a few deadlines. You might surprise yourself. 

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3 hours ago, Deusmortis said:

I've seen that as well.  Seen family members completely alter their identities.  They are no longer "person", they are "That person's mother/father"

Certainly does not always happen.  And I can see the appeal of adult children... I just couldn't imagine willingly accepting years of suffering to get them to that stage.  Might just be an extension of my selfishness.

I've seen the opposite happens with non-parents.  Get completely absorbed in minute bullshit that no one cares about.  Or their spouse.  Or their job.  Or their travel portfolio.  Or their pet.  That's a personality, not parenting, flaw.

What's the appeal of children?  There's nothing better than your kid genuinely smiling at you.  Nothing.  Coke doesn't even beat that high (and I ain't talking Coke Classic).  Plus they offer the potential to greatly clarify what is meaningful and enjoyable in life.

Are they a lot of work?  Sure.  Potentially hardest job in the world, but potentially best job in the world.  That's why you do it.

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18 minutes ago, CraBeatOff said:

 

The crabs will be back, and in greater numbers. 

Good.  I ordered unlimited crab legs last night at Joe's.  There were looks of concern on the faces of the staff as my pace refused to slow.  I had feared that the strategic reserve of succulent crustacean flesh was being depleted.

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40 minutes ago, Das_Schlippo said:

 I've come to believe that they are envious of the fact that we can sleep in, can spend money on things other than doctors and diapers and that our vacation time isn't all blown on sick days (since kids are fucking GERM FARMS) or snow days. 

Yeah, I see it the opposite.  People convincing themselves that their car upgrade is worth more than watching your own child learn to walk.  That the vacation they had in Mexico was cooler than watching your kid standing up to a group of bullies and winning the day.  Or that you are more proud of being able to sleep in than being woken up early on mother's/father's day with some half-assed, but whole-hearted breakfast in bed from the kids.

Of course parents are jealous of not having as much sleep!  I'm also jealous of not having my own private F-14B fighter jet.  But I wouldn't trade my kids for either (maybe an F-22...).  Someone was right that kids sort of brainwash you- you literally become chemically addicted to them if you love them.  But again, there ain't nothing better in the world than that addiction.  Either every loving parent is a liar, or else they know something that non-parents don't.  Having been someone who once thought babies were annoying poop bags myself, I'm going with #2.

Ultimately, to each their own.  A lot of people can't have babies, a lot of people know they shouldn't have babies, and a lot of people don't care either way.  That's their decision.  I just don't mind honestly saying how much kids suck because if you're lucky, that suckage is countered by literally the best life can offer.

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