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Two Thick Germans and a Jamaican touching barrels

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I've never seen anyone prematurely ejaculate three times before . . . that must be a record for steamy back seat teen aged futility right there.

"I'm sorry about your sweater, I just get really nervous"

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Species report: Jagdpanzer E100

Scientific Name: Werhmactus magnificus

Common name: The "Mighty" Jagerü

Habitat: Less than 100 meters from the allied cap circle

Temperament and Behavior: Appears docile at first glance. magnificus have been known to enter a state of apparent "false death" for long periods of time, not moving one bit except to occasionally sniff the air with their long, prominent snout. Do not be fooled. When aroused from this slumber, they anger quickly without warning. Due to their poor eyesight, they cannot discern at whom they attack and will fire blindly at the nearest target. This researcher had the misfortune of observing a stunning 45% magnificus specimen during a chance encounter. However, the researcher abandoned caution and was fishtailed by the mighty beast while driving full speed. The creature proceeded to attack him in the rear with a High Explosive round (his first round of the match), setting him on fire. (Included: one requisition form for a new vehicle. Please don't cheap out and get a Chinese one again). Light vehicles take extreme caution--playing passively in the presence of the Jageru will tend to arouse its temper, regardless of the tactical situation.

Intelligence: Minimal intelligence observed. Wild Jagerü seem to operate on pure animal instinct. They do possess a small capacity for communication, but our greatest minds have attempted to decipher the utterances to little avail. One of the few deciphered phrases (for which the scientist was featured in Nature) translates roughly to "LIGHT TANK GO SCOUT."

Population: While there is no clear estimate of the total population, it appears to be healthy and stable. These are hardy creatures and will likely survive well into the future.

Breeding: [REDACTED]

 

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11 hours ago, Whole_Nutmeg said:

Intelligence: Minimal intelligence observed. Wild Jagerü seem to operate on pure animal instinct. They do possess a small capacity for communication, but our greatest minds have attempted to decipher the utterances to little avail. One of the few deciphered phrases (for which the scientist was featured in Nature) translates roughly to "LIGHT TANK GO SCOUT."

Their vocabulary is expanding

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