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fablkak

The etiquette of dipping

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The etiquette of dipping, by fablkak.

The first rule of dipping, "No Double Dipping" is actually a misnomer popularised in 1707 by Cardinal Bigglesworth-Kidhumper. In general double dipping is frowned upon however this overly simplified rule misses many of the nuances and conditions under which double dipping is perfectly acceptable.

The Neo-Appetisarian School of Putting Things Into Other Things (NASPTIOT) redefines the first fundamental rule of dipping as “Thou shalt not share unwanted bodily fluids via the putting of one thing into another thing”. Although this rule is often mistaken as a safe sex message its generality allows for the nuances and exceptions where the original rule does not. Firstly one may double dip if the implement of submergence is long enough to be rotated in such a manner as to allow a fresh point of contact between the implement and the substance being used as dip. Another exception is observed when the number of dippers is few and the relationship between them could be characterised as one with a high transference ratio. Also, one may double dip if one intends to finish the dipping material with said double dip or one immediately following it and finally when one is eating by oneself all double dipping rules are off since there is no transference of unwanted fluids.

The second rule of dipping and the first invented by NASPTIOT is the little known “Thou shalt perform multiple dipping from one sauce into another only in descending order of expiration dates”. This rule represents a breakthrough in the area of dipping etiquette and was much celebrated at parties held by NASPTIOT. Parties which were of such a fantastic nature that party goers could be seen into the early hours of the morning examining the fine print on guacamole containers and scouring bins for the elusive best before information hidden on discarded sour cream lids.

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I just scoop

*puts helmet on and ducks*

I've started scooping all I need before eating when there's a dip on the food that I'll eat about a couple of years ago. Less hassle, more etiquette somehow..

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The third and most controversial rule of NASPTIOT relates to the correct etiquette when retrieving a broken dipping implement from the dip. Deviations on this rule have resulted in the splitting of NASPTIOT into two factions. Firstly there are the careless double downers who just try to retrieve said broken dipping implement using another chip at the risk of yet another breakage. Secondly there are the civilised and all together more rational NASPTIOT members who keep a spoon or special chip gathering metal implement flanged at one end specially designed for occasions such as these. 

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There are further etiquette considerations:

 

1) You shall avoid the appearance of actions that would transfer fluids.

2) Fluids may be transferred to a condiment or sauce that has been separated such that it is no longer communal.

3) You shall not dip into another's non-communal condiment or sauce, nor shall you ask to do so.

3) You shall proactively prevent your responsible charges from violating the above

4) You shall reactively prevent the transfer of fluids should your responsible charge violate the above

 

 

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