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Terribad diaries: The little derp that could(n't.) (Repost)

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Garbads Unicum diaries are a powerful and noble tool for the education of pubbies everywhere.  I have shamelessly taken it upon myself to steal and subvert them into this wretched husk of their former glory.  Using this format we will delve into the deepest, darkest, and most depraved aspect of the human condition, the mind of the average pubbie.

During the pre-match countdown everyone immediately chastises their team mates in order to shift any possible blame from them selves to their allies.  Rather than analyze the team rosters for strengths and weaknesses I frantically try and think of a dirty joke to endear me forever into the hearts and minds of my fellow pubbies.


I decide to go North.  Why?  Not a clue, the hypnotic pull of the lemmings called me.

A crappy fascist box reveals itself at the crest of the sand dunes and with the help of the Cromwell and my grotesquely overpowered 105mm derp we shred it into scrap.

The Red team sent very few tanks North and the might of our lemming wave quickly crushed them.  However, the South was all but lost.  I broke off from the mindless horde to the F line where I sniped the Red heathens with the righteous power of my 105.

We manage to slay a few more Reds but the last of our Southern defenders crumble under the weight of their own ineptitude.  The last of our forces in the North also fall.


I do the only thing my tiny looser mind can think off, circle back to defend the cap from the encroaching Reds.

By the time I get back to the cap only me and the arty are left alive and the point is being captured by at least three Reds.  It is now two verses seven.  Our fate is all but sealed.


I peek over the dunes in a desperate attempt to reset the cap.  They have no idea I'm there!  What luck.


The abomination known as arty kills two tanks with one shot!  I take this opportunity to mop up the rest but not before the hellcat murders the arty.


The tides have turned!  It's now 1v2.  My Jumbo versus a M41 and an SU-100, both of which were last seen at the enemy cap.  This is my chance to shine!  To be a great player like Garbad or CarbonWard.  To be a tanking hero.  What do I do?

What I know:

  • Both the SU-100 and M41 were last seen at their cap.
  • That I am easily one shotable
  • I want waffles for breakfast

What I suspect:

  • Nothing.  I'm a terribad and can't think 5 seconds into the future.

How would you guys close this game out?  What is the correct course of action?

The conclusion:




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Lol! That was a good laugh!

Say goodbye to HEAT 105mm next patch.

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