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Official WOTlabs Jokes Thread ~ In here Are Your Stats lel

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these specials

 

 

Keep the lame jokes for the official forums , danke ~ Hardy 

 

 

Actually Fuck that we need a jokes thread , this thread is now the official joke thread of WOTlabs 

 

And here's a joke for those lured in by the title 

 

Job interview setting 

Interviewer : What is your greatest weakness ? 

Job Applicant : Honestly 

Interviewer : I don't think honesty is a weakness ! 

Job Applicant : I really don't give a fuck what you think , i just want a job 

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Be glad we even have specials, they don't owe us shit if we're honest here, it's just something they do out of their own will you spoiled brat.

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That guy is lucky guy - I m no mod.

 

 

Oh do purple posters only get powers in the Ask a purple section ? I thought ye had mod powers everywhere 

 

He's on a few warnings as it is but I'm nice and I don't really like banning people  :smallsmile:

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Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall. As he turned and sneered at me, I thought: 'that's a little condescending

 

 

In other news pickpockets have begun targeting midgets. Seriously, who would stoop so low?

 

I couldn't hire that midget chef cause the steaks were too high.

 

A midget once asked to borrow money from me for bus fare, because he was a little short.

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Pubbies are endowed with great wisdom.

I don't load HE in my KV-2 so I don't get ammoracked so much.

I'm a T34 in a tier 10 match, guess the best I can do is scout.

Why can't I get a tier 3-4 match where I can actually do something. (While in a FCM Pak 40).

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Congress begins with con.

 

What's the opposite con? 

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Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall. As he turned and sneered at me, I thought: 'that's a little condescending

 

 

In other news pickpockets have begun targeting midgets. Seriously, who would stoop so low?

 

I couldn't hire that midget chef cause the steaks were too high.

 

A midget once asked to borrow money from me for bus fare, because he was a little short.

Just to continue on your splurge of midget jokes...

Q: What do you call a midget psycho escaped from the county prison?

A: a small medium at large

 

Now let's make some bald jokes!

Q: What do you call 20 rabbits walking backwards?

A: a receding hareline (see what I did there? Yes, that was extremely corny)

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Oh do purple posters only get powers in the Ask a purple section ? I thought ye had mod powers everywhere 

 

He's on a few warnings as it is but I'm nice and I don't really like banning people  :smallsmile:

hes already been banned once... he convinced the mods that he was not going to be a twat again. obviously hes coming close to breaking his promise it seems...

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Early one morning, the milkman was doing his rounds. He stopped at a house to ask for his monthly fee, only to find a small boy at the door slurping from a beer bottle, smoking a Havana cigar, and with his arm around what appeared to be a call-girl. Surprised, the milkman asked the boy if his parents were home.
"Does it fucking look like it?"
 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
 
One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died. The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died. He told his daddy, "Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill died, and then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died.
 
His dad said, "that's just a coincidence."
 
The next morning he tells his dad, "I had a dream that my dad died."
 
His dad was terrified. He had the worst day at work and took every precaution. He didn't eat any of the food in case of food poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck. When he finally got home, Little Johnny's mom asks him how his day at work was. "Much more horrible than your day I'm sure," his dad replied.
 
"I don't know," said his mom, "The milkman dropped dead on the front porch today!
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A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
 
There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
 
He hears a priest come in. “Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”
 
The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”
 
 
 
 
 
The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team’s performance soars. They win the county, state and eventually national championship. A few days before the international grand finals, Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says, “Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest.” “What?” the coach says in a panic, “How far down does it go?” Penelope replies, “Down to my testicles. That’s something else I want to talk to you about.”
 
 
 
Dirty Parrot
 
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
 
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
 
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
 
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
 
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
 
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
 
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
 
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"
 
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."
 
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."
 
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."
 
The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
 
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."
 
"What?" asks the guy.
 
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of panties that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."
 
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
 
"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting her all over," reports the parrot.
 
"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"
 
"Then he pulled down the panties, got down on his knees and began to lick her, starting with her breasts, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...
 
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.
 
"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."
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One day, a family of a mother and two boys, Timmy and Tommy, were riding in their car on the way to church. Timmy leaned over, smacked Tommy across the head, and Tommy yelled out "Ouch you fucking wanker!" later that day in church, the mom went to talk to the priest. she said "Father, my boys just won't stop swearing and I don't know what to do." the priest says "Well, have you tried smacking them?" she said "No, doesn't the church look down on that?" the priest says "Well, yes, but in some cases we'll make an exception." The next day, the two boys come down for breakfast and she asks Tommy what he wants for breakfast. Tommy says "Well, gimme some fucking waffles." The mom backhands Tommy so hard, he flies out of his chair and lands against the door. shocked and terrified by this, Timmy becomes very quiet. his mother asks him what he wants for breakfast, and his reply was "Well you can bet your sweet ass I don't want no fucking waffles!"

 

 

 

 

 

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

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