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The School of Failowesophy for Unicorn Extremists

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As the oppressing sun sets on the Second Campaign, so rose the mighty Failowe from its restless slumber.

 

 

~

 

 

A great sigh of relief could be heard by every unicorn when the end of the Second Campaign came to be. Too many had suffered bitterly in the clash of the Browser Wars; diplomats negotiated for days at a time over which clam chips what, accountants worked through many endless nights to balance their spreadsheets, and there was unrest even amongst the soldiers themselves as they squabbled over e-fame. Entire clams were forced to land and commit map sudoku each night, jumping like seals through hoops for the amusement of the cruel and fickle WarGods. More aggravating still was the sight of terribads farming mad goaldz on the sandbox map, when they normally could not even take two steps on the icy mountains of Greenland.

 

 

But now that this plague is over, the scrubs will be wiped from the earth once more, and the unica can resume their usual schedule of righteous pub-clubbing crusades. Not all were satisfied, however...

 

 

There exists groups of unicorn extremists who, furious at the lack of tears shed during the Campaign, demanded further drama and e-rage even after the Browser Wars ended. "Abuse the scrubs!", they cried, "Terrorize them, and let them pour out endless streams of delicious nourishment for us to harvest!". Fuelled by their lust for pubbie eye-excrement, the unica gathered to plot against these scrub-clams, who were to enjoy the Campaign's bounty no longer.

 

 

On the night of the Campaign's end, seven thousand two hundred and one pubs were brought to the dark retreats of Murovanka Woods. There, the sacrifices were beaten mercilessly on their posteriors by shells of pure gold, and their many tears were deftly collected. With this holy water, a ritual square was drawn on the muddy ground. Thereupon the unicorn fanatics tapped into forbidden magicks to raise a monstrosity capable of causing butthurt beyond measure: the great Failowe - lord of all boxes.

 

 

Thus was born the school of Failowesophy, created in the name of causing great madness to baddies everywhere. It is said that those who accept the teachings and follow in the glorious treads of the Failowe will know true ascension, but only if they are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. For it is known, that to maximize the output of jealous agony from the pubbie masses, one must drive an incarnation of the Failowe, and in ritual sacrifice, self-destruct. A build-up to this moment is permitted, as baiting pubbies with VK7201 codes, spinning in circles on the cap, or the like, but the true prestige comes only in e-honurable sudoku.

 

 

An excerpt from a Failowesophic sermon states the following,

 

 

"True it may be that, written in the ancient unicorn texts, unicorn blood is sacred and is never to be shed. Thus, the rightful method of death is only through drowning. Fear not the pain of suffocation, but embrace it as a symbolic representation of launching oneself into a pool of pubbie tears. A remark, however, that the followers of Failowe are unlike those who are deceived by the blasphemy of M60_Jesus. Such fools attempt to drive on the water, rejecting its scrumptious influence, while those who know the light of the Failowe will accept the water's offerings with pride and glory."

 

 

 

Ecce_Homo_%28El%C3%ADas_Garc%C3%ADa_Mart

 

M60_Jesus, or M60_Potato?

 

 

Already, fierce competition has erupted between those who follow M60_Jesus and those who follow Failowe. There are rumours of M60s who are prepared to interfere with the Failowe's initial rise to power, but fortunately, it is the pub-scrubs who are taking most of the collateral damage. Both factions seek to extract the most trolls, tears, rage, buttmad, reports for unfair play, etc. from pubbies, while the rest of the unicorn population watches on for the much needed and very enjoyable drama.

 

So far no blows have been struck, but the question remains: when will the Failowes begin their count-ins?

 

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Ill kick a scrub from CHAI and give the free Failowe to anyone offering $200 or more.

 

Get your Failowe NOW!

 

**To explain, right now CHAI has 95k worth of flat Mission Fame, so that means practically anyone, even some guy with zero battles played on their account can have a Failowe if they join.

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Carbon-I'll take you up on that offer (except the $200.00 part-is that important to you?!?)

Your soul for the next thousand years in the service of the Glorious Republic of China  would also suffice as payment.

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Please let not be a repeat of the M60 flood. I've still yet to win a battle with an M60 on my side. Now there's going to be two of them...

 

(As much as I'd like one of my own, my wife would shoot me if I were to try explaining away a $200 tank, sorry.)

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Ill kick a scrub from CHAI and give the free Failowe to anyone offering $200 or more.

 

Get your Failowe NOW!

 

**To explain, right now CHAI has 95k worth of flat Mission Fame, so that means practically anyone, even some guy with zero battles played on their account can have a Failowe if they join.

Almost tempting, just to take a vid of me selling it and offering 'codes' then posting it in the forums

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